I cried myself to sleep last night. The sense of feeling troubled and distorted in my mind has been there for quite a long time. I just friggin hate it. Have no clue how to deal with it or froget about it. What's it this time? My burden to everyone
Lately, I been feeling pretty like crap. A huge burden for everyone to carry. My peers, closest friends, loved ones and to the extent, my family. Always running out of money before the end of the month. I try to save money but how am I supposed to have my own savings when I get hungry every 2 hours minimum??? My metabolism is too fast and there's nothing I can do to reduce it. I starve a lot and eat small portions in hopes to save. But yea, ended the opposite. I eat more frequent. I dont like borrowing money from people because I feel I'm a burden and a very bad loser. I see my friends all have not much of a problem in financial. They can buy their own things they want and all I can afford is things I need only. I want to get a pair of shoes so badly. I can't. Eat a lil more 'tasteful' food. I can't. I want to get some accessories for my car or laptop. I can't. Whether it is good or not, it matters to me.
Another one, I have no self-confidence. I study my EMA yesterday and only 60% stayed in my messed-up brain. The moment I saw a more complicated question, my mind just swithed off completely. I spaced-out. I panicked so much. I can't boost myself in studies. I'm gonna be slaughtered in the exam hall for EMA & Physics.
Stop crying Sears. Its getting more and more pathetic. Soon enough you'll be having a jar of tears. Stop*
Thanks bao bei, I woke up in the middle of night to your long meaningful message. It made me feel better. A lot. Your loving assurance to me is ouching and I can never ask for more from you. I love you honey. I been missing you too much lately. One of the many reasons I cried myself to dreamland......
Hey Sears.
ReplyDeleteIt's a heart break for me just to read that you cried to sleep last night. T.T
Everyone has gone through their harshest times. i have been through mine. And it has passed. & i'm sure yours will go away soon enough. Let's pray for it.
Please don't think too much about burden. You are no burden to us. It's really sad to know that you couldn't be a part of it. We're family, okay? Help is always there.
Stay strong, Sears. We're here for you.
I was really worried last night when you said, "I'll be fine" & you head off to your room.
Food? Share with Richard if you don't want to use money. He's always cooking rice in his room. :) Don't keep quiet. We don't want you to fall ill. You're already injured now. :(
The song that you let me hear the other day, the one you posted on my wall about your religion's prayer? Armed: "Nothing can ever hurt me."
I know you have a strong will. Don't let this problem stop you. You can go through this. I know you can.
** couldn't be a part of it means when we eat, you don't.
ReplyDeletethank you so much Pamela. This kind of thing is like on and off for me. It comes to me when I least expect it. Its difficult... I just want to find a place where I can calm myself down. I need to rest my mind completely. Even in my sleep I think in the dream. Its madness! I hope during the holidays Ill be able to knock these things off my mind. Thanks for the help. I need that...
ReplyDeleteHope when the new semester comes, we'll still be family. :)