Walking The Untrodden Paths

Festive spirit

2012-01-22T20:34:00.000+08:00

This sucks Big Time. It's the festive season of Chinese New Year and I'm here in my cold room in Qatar blogging instead of feasting and having a jolly good time with family and friends. Setting off fireworks like we used to the previous years. The smell and luxurious foods on display on the table and kids jumping up and down from getting their ang pows.

I miss this festival more than anything else. Christmas, Hari Raya etc. This is one that my whole family celebrates together. To miss this for me is as bad as the feeling of missing your only flight to home. It's not my type to usually sulk for such a long period but nobody knows how much this means to me. Added to that is not celebrating CNY with Melissa. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to meet her family and maybe make an impression. Don't see that happening anytime soon. Can't go open-house visiting with le friends, no party-ing and staying up late watching fireworks lit up the night sky, no Mandarin oranges to eat (sobs) and no company to be with. Oh, the pain...

3 more long weeks till I'm back to where I miss the most. I'm still sick since last Tuesday no thanks to the cold weather and dryness in the air resulting in bad cough and annoying flu. Urgh. This past week hasn't been kind to me.

Anyways, my problems aside, I would like to wish all my dear friends around the world a happy and prosperous Dragon year ahead, Gong Xi Fa Cai and may you live long.

Defining the rest of my life

2012-01-08T16:25:00.000+08:00

How time flies and it's hard to get over the fact that I'm turning 20 this year. I'm scared believe it or not. Level 2. University life, relationships, and future career is gonna define the rest of my life.

University has been great. Couldn't be happier. Finally starting my degree after passing my Chem and EMB. Disappointed that it took so long to get it over with my Foundation. But I should be grateful I got through Sem 2 in a breeze. But other than academics, there are many other things I am looking forward to this year especially. Curriculum, friends and so much more. First off, SDC (Swinburne Drama Club) will be one of my main priorities this year as I'll be finally taking on my role as (probably) the vice-president of this wonderful family club. It's always been my passion but at the same time, I can't afford to disappoint anyone especially the club and my parents. This time, more classes and more assignments to keep up with compared to last sem. Managing my time will be crucial. I don't do that well enough so it's gonna be a hard start but I need to.

Spending more time with my friends I found it hard lately. So much problems on my own and spending most of my time with love. Not saying that I should spend less time with her or anything but, I need to have some time specially for my bros and Pam etc. I feel like I let them down a lil last sem. Believe it or not, I did not go to OneTJ for COD last sem. None at all. Quite disappointed but forget the past, more kick-ass time next sem for sure!

Relationship with love has been good so far. Yeah, so far away, making it work is a challenge but things couldn't have been better in this relationship. Communicating is key. Time difference can be a bitch but nothing much we can do. Only way to get closer was either by Skype or imaginations in my dreams. (Nothing explicit) =P Hoping for more memories to share with her as long as I'm studying there and hopefully for the foreseeable future. =)

In 2012 I would like to travel more often. Not to places I been like 10 times but some places new. Road trip with friends or sayang has been on my mind since the beginning of last sem. Last year I stepped foot into Sabah for the first time, and I do wish to go there again this year, with some hommies! Currently planning Dubai trip with family now. A place I been longing to go to and can finally say I been to 'the future of cities' as they say.

I also plan to be able to play more music. More music as in, start making some cover of songs or join a band. Just started taking up drumming lessons. It's great as I can finally do something I enjoy and maybe put it into practice when I get home. (Buy me a drum set mom!) As for as guitar is concerned, I'm thinking of getting another one, maybe because my current one is a little too big to handle and too cheap but expensive to maintain. Will think about it when I get back.

Anyways, that's all I can think of typing down now. Oh and by the way, for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm in good shape! Looked myself in the mirror and felt good! (not perasan but just sayin!) No pics for this post so yeah..

Maxing out! :)

No resolutions are gonna decide my life

2012-01-03T16:56:00.003+08:00

Let me start off by saying Happy New Year to everyone around the world. So much has happened around the world. Death of great people like Steve Jobs and Amy Winehouse, start of a beginning like the Royal Wedding and so much more. New Year should come with a new start, away with the bad habits and in with the good. I've made mistakes over the past year but I ain't gonna let them stop me from learning and doing better.

I have to admit that 2011 was a pretty good year. Best I've had possibly. I made new friends, close friends whom i never thought would be able to share with, I found love at the right time and hopefully it'll go on a long way, learned new skills I never think I'd be able to do and once again, perform on stage. So many moments I know that if there was a year I want to relive again, it's definitely this one. So, I've compiled a bunchof pictures that define my life in 2011 =)

Baha'i youths in Kuching knows how to have fun okayy

My classs in Thailand! This time didn't need a translator. Sheena, my partner in crime this time. :)

Me Johny Bravo-ing with the gang.

Year of pedo smiles. =D

The Setafire of 2011

Me and my brooski Haziq on our double birthday surprise celebration. Best surprise ever!

Making new friends like Wai Hong, Amy and Leopold.

Shayan having me at gunpoint. My fav cousie. :3 Nat at the back face-palming

Derping in Chemistry lab with brother Ian.

Yeap, hairspray saloon open shopped this time again. Mega success!

This year's drama production of Blood Brothers. Navin as director and me as the 'evil' narrator.

Me in pink for the first time. Shrug

Smitherssss!!!

Watching how adults even knows how to have fun and being creative at the JY Programme workshop

Cheers to good food!

Family joy

The girl I can never love enough, Melissa Wee. ♡

Have a great year everibadehhhh!

Maxing out!

Wishes to all!

2011-12-26T04:56:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone! It's that time of the year again! (year, not month okay) Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas to all my friends and strangers who enjoy this day as much. I, as a Baha'i we don't celebrate it but we respect it as the most Holy Day of the Christian calender and it's one of the happiest time of the year where people put their differences aside to celebrate this awesome occasion.

Here I am in Qatar, I spent my Christmas Day grilling garlic parsley salmon which ended up pretty badly overcooked and making some cupcakes for the first time in my life. Cupcake turned out great whereas my Vanilla frosting ended up in a disaster as mom insisted on putting more milk into the mixture and so it turned out too 'watery/milky'. Anyways, didn't do much or have that much happiness to celebrate about. Do wish I can spend Christmas with love instead. She seems to be having a lot of fun. Her giraffe necklace looks gorgeous so does her profile picture. :)

Life seems to be moving at a much slower pace whenever I come home to Qatar. Don't like it. Would've preferred to stay back in Kuching and get a 2 month small job and earn some experience already. I'm turning 20 and I have no work experience! Le sigh...

Anyways, will be back soon! Do leave a comment if you have something to say. I do wonder if anyone even reads my blog. =|
Max-ing out.

Beginning of 2 long months

2011-12-23T19:29:00.001+08:00

Hey everyone. It's been a couple of weeks since my last post. Sorry about that. Laziness just creeps in whenever I want to write. Currently on my vacation back here in Qatar. The place where I first started blogging. Anyways, will be 2 months here (too long). One month is normally more than enough but it's not like I have a choice when it's with my parents. I got Credit and Pass for my EMB and Chemistry respectively. Huge burden finally off my back. Worried as hell about my Chemistry but glad that I will be finally moving into Degree next year with love. Love did great. 2C's and 2 HD's. Very happy for her but she has MPW to do in a few weeks so it isn't all good news. Looking forward to go back more than ever now.

Life back here in Qatar is as usual, LIFELESS. This gets my mood down often since I don't have anyone and close friends here who would wanna talk to or hangout with. Maybe because my high school life here was pretty bad and hated it till this day. TO Skype or chat with love is also difficult. She has her own things to do. Time difference makes it harder so yeah. When finally find time at night to chat with her, she pun busy watching James Bond movies or something else. Don't want to make myself so desperate to chat with her. Just wished we had more quality time spent with her.

Been cooking once in a while which is good. Keep me occupied and learn everything I need to before I go back. Better learn some new dishes too. Just made roasted chicken for the family. Everyone loved it thankfully. Looking forward to more.

That's all for now. Not much in the mood to type much. Heh.

Max-ing out.

Another beautiful side of life

2011-11-27T23:34:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone, to all those who's been a regular follower of my blog, my sincere apologies as I have been inactive for the past like 8 months? Can't say that I've been very busy since last semester but there are plenty that has happened through my life that deserves to be on my blog and for everyone to know. Studies, relationships, friends, family, Thailand and so much more. Not sure where do I begin =/

Since March semester, I did quite well with both of my EMA and Physics thankfully. Put a lot of effort into passing those 2 pain-in-the-ass subjects. During that semester, I've found the group of friends whom I will always enjoy the company of. The Jotuns! Haziq, Fabian, Nazrin, Richie and I. Funny story how that name came into existence. It's actually the name of a paint and colour company. One day while driving to Naz's house with Fabby and Ziq, we passed by this Jotun shop and took real interest with that name for some crazy idea and started chanting that name in weird tones. Since then, our gang has been known with that name. Wanna join? Say Jotun in a funky way and you're in. ;)

Stayed single throughout the whole semester with a few girls I was after but never worked out. Which is a good thing! Will explain a lil more about it later on. Anyways, got appointed as a committee member of my darling SDC (Swinburne Drama Club)! Have a more important role to play this year and most definately the next as I will be the future Vice-President of the club I've always loved. And before I forget, this year's production is a play based on Willy Russell's story called 'Blood Brothers'. I did not audition for it initially because I was afraid my mom would get upset with me for taking part again and jeopardizing my studies. In the end, I tried for a minor role, the narrator. I got it. Couldnt be happier.

Semester ended well, went for Setafire camp once again. This time more volunteers, more drama, more stress and definitely more fun. :) I'm thinking this year could be my last since I've been going for the past 4 years. Still considering. On a similar note, Setafire was a huge success! Gained more publicity, made more new friends and thsi time I managed to learn and remember Thai much more easier. Kids became much more fonder of me and I am always proud of them to have them as my students. Always remembered.

After Thailand, sister came to Kuching for about a month with me. Classes started on 15th August and it's EMB and Chemistry to tackle before I move to Degree. This semester I'd have to say it's the most cherishable, most memorable and definitely the best couple of months of my life.

It all started in Chemistry class when each of us are being asked to draw something on a piece of paper which describes us. I couldnt think of anything in particular so I drew fire. 'powerful, intense, wild and free' was what I describes myself when it came to my turn. Then it came to this girl who gave me that interested look on my face. This girl drew a picture of a camera. Stating that her passion for photography. That's all I remembered that day. It was on a Wednesday night class if I'm not mistaken. So on Friday I think, Andrew(my stalker) tagged me in a post with this same girl asking if wanna have a copy of the textbook. So, with curiosity, I checked out her profile. Cute girl, decent. 'Add as friend'. Little did I knew that click changed how the outcome of this semester would go. :)

Being nice, we started chatting, luckily it wasn't just a one off thing of chatting where we would stop when we have nothing to talk about. This went on for a few days when I would just spend the whoel day on Facebook in hopes to see her online to chat with her. Yes, I was crazy and to say that I was having a crush on her. The next week we went to hangout in Starbucks. Spent a few hours just talking non-stop.Well, actually her talking most of the time while I just sat there listening to her. I dig girls who talk and not just keep quiet and wait to be talked to. From that day onwards, I felt a connection I had with her. We went for beef noodles after Chemistry class, talked about family. She told me how lame I was and she finds it funnily lame. I was happy.

I finally asked her out on an official first date on the 25th August. Surprisingly she accepted. Our first date, I remember before the day came, I asked the Jotuns on where is the best place to go out on a first date. No real good places were found. SO on that day after her last class on Friday, I took her to Secret Recipe near town. She reminded me that that was the day I told her that it was the first time I'm taking someone out on a date. The date went better than expected. Awesome dinner, awesome cakes and awesome company. We left and decided to go to Friendship Park to hang. We stayed in the car just simply talking and relaxing. Everything went so well until I made my move to kiss her on the lips. After I did it, I sulked and thought that I just made the biggest mistake on a first date. It wasn't. It became a kiss I never regretted.

Life continues and we hung out more often. Lunch and even dinners together. Crises hit us hard 3 weeks later where this week became the hardest since we've known each other and till now. Would rather not talk about it but since then, it brought us much closer than ever. Went on a first movie date on the 16th Spetember. On my birthday, she wore the sexiest combination on that day while I wore my formal shirt. Took her to Bella Italia for our second date. Best lunch with her to date. And on the 15th of October 2011, we made our relationship real and official. :)

Words can't describe how much she means to me since the day we talked. She's incredible, awesome listener and never afraid to talk about anything, our crap talk for hours and nonsense jokes we do. This semester has liven up because of her and will hope this relationship of ours will last a very long time. :) I love you Melissa Wee Huey Ming. You're my only one and wottotot, rawr. <3

The day sayang asked me to teman her to Leopold's birthday dinner. :)

Amy's birthday dinner. :)

Webcamwhoring in the library a week after we started hanging out.

My Blood Brothers production couple shot with love and the rose I gave to her.

This sem has been awesome! Hopefully this will be the first of many post to come. Mojo is back and will talk more about this last sem more in the next post.

Maxing out!

Moments That Will Be Hard To Re-live

2011-03-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

It feels good to say that over this past week, I spent it productively! Hahaha... Ever since the Institutional Meeting was done and dusted with on Sunday evening, it was time for a long resting break! One night of internet and good sleep in the lounge through the night and the next morning came the bombshell that came out of randomness.

I was fast asleep when my phone rang at 7am. I wondered who would call me at this hour?! Dragging my boneless like hands to the phone to answer. Oh! TO my surprise its my 'Chiu Chiu', Uncle Shehab. He requested me to accompany aunty Griti and Councellor Irham from Indonesia on their trip to Central Region kampungs - Selangau, Mukkah and the Sibu city. I've never been far out of Kuching before and plus it's set to be a 6 hour driving trip! So, as I like to do it, I prefer to let my pictures speak. :)

The longhouse where we spent the night at! Nearly 18 houses in one stretch!

Sort of the feeling where everything was made out of trees. :\ Its cold in the night!

Outside!

the two man walkway corridor in the house

the place on the right is the mini toilet and behind those 'tongs' is the place where we squat and bath. =\

The youths with Councellor Irham in red shirt! :)

The awful road condition from Selangau to Mukkah. Knocked my head on top of the Kancil till I literally had a bump on it.... =\

The house where we had a stop and had the first taste of...........

Snake meat!!!!! They caught the phyton themselves. :O

Honestly, it tasted like chicken and it is awesome!

Now to the purpose of our visit. Meeting with the AGC of Mukkah. Serious business.

The family makes the best biscuits everrrrrr......

3rd day, to Sibu! Its a very somewhat chaotic town with cars 360 degrees around you. I slept the entire time during the meeting at the Bahai Center. Teeheeee~

The night slipping away and the first day of fasting was a success! Back home to Kuching and couldnt take anymore pics cos battery mati... =.=

Anways, sorry for the late post. I just bought a new memory card reader cos my old one was lost so I couldnt upload any photos. So, my suggestion, go out and explore the world because there's so much more than meets the eye. ;)

Maxing out! =]

Embrace It

2011-03-07T08:42:00.001+08:00

Recent releases that seem to get me hypnotized whenever I get it plugged in my ear

d-.-b

Katy Perry's latest HIT!!!! The song is catchy, and brings something different from KP this time. Great collaboration with Kanye West adds topping to the ice-cream. =D

"Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth
A different lover is not a sin"

Such meaningful lyrics! Finally a song reflecting about people! The moment this came out I was listening to this song for like 20 times a day! Hehehehe...

<3 the movie! Easily one of my favourite musical movie. Really brings out the best of Christina. Storyline isn't indulging but the music produced is simply flawless.

"Why is everybody so obsessed?
Money can't buy us happiness.
If we all slow down and enjoy right now
Gurantee we'll be feelin
All right."

Let's all forget about price tags and live label-less! =)

"WHAT THE HELL"?! She's back and I can't stop shaking my head back and forth, what the hell is wrong with me! LOL

Britney looks sooo much better here and I still prefer the one featuring Flo Rida. =P

They never fail to impress the world. =D Blast this in your car!!

I wish I could sing this song everyday and actually doing all that except for the part where he has sex and feelin great. Hahahahaha!

A song I can't get anough of. Yellowcard has returned to the scene!!! Album out on 22nd!

How could you not like your beats fast and bass down low???

Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoow
oowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoo..... Thats all we can say to this song! :D

Blow your stereos Loud with this latest hit from Kesha!

I do <3 this song..........

I think those are all the songs which I would recommend to the world so if you havent heard it, you're lucky to drop by my Blog. :)

Anyways, I've lost my memory card reader so the pictures I took from my trip are unable to be uploaded yet. :( Till I buy a new one, The next post shall be all about my trip. :)

Joyous Ayyam-i-Ha!

2011-03-02T23:51:00.001+08:00

End of February and March are the most significant months in the Baha'i calendar! Ayyam-i-Ha just came and went but nothing much was celebrated for me personally. The kids had fun thats all that matters. =)

Fasting month has just begun and it was quite a tough first day as I was sick with flu and cough. Every hour that passed by became more and more unbearable but scraped through we did. Actually over the past 3 days I been out of Kuching in the central part of Sarawak. More on that in my next post. I been feeling extremely lazy to blog. No clue why.... :\ I need to get my blogging mojo back!!!

Anyways, will tell more on the story about my trip to Sibu and Mukkah. I wanna COD btw... =D

credits to Amy Lim for the snaps she took. The home-made cup-cakes! :)

The mini celebrations. Some of the kids looking on at the performances.

Where am I moving towards now?

2011-02-15T21:50:00.000+08:00

A lot of thoughts been coming to my mind like its a one-way traffic that stops and stays in my mind. I have so much decisions to make over the next few days or weeks. Decisions that could well shape up my entire life. I may regret some and I may treasure some but ultimately as all my counselors and friends say, there will be both and I have to make the decision according to what I want. Nobody should influence my choice. But.....

First of all, I need to explain what decisions I have to make and how it all came to this. My latest Sem 2 results as disappointing as it looks, my mom gave me a surprise visit to Kuching to discuss with me about my life. Damn, of course she's upset but all those hours long of adivce from her and my uncle Shehab and Aunty Tahereh, it opened my eyes. First choice of me is to stop my studies halfway at Foundation year to do 1 year of service. Where? I was recommended KL. I was ecstatic but a lot of 'consequences' I have to think hard about first. Why KL? I want to follow in the footsteps of Rueben Koh. I wanna be contributing more to the Faith. Here in Kuching I feel I am not using my full potential to use as my family said. I am very confident that KL would bring the best out of me without any distractions of studies. 1 year should be good. And as my mom said, if I feel that I am comfortable living by myself in KL I could might as well continue my studies there instead of coming back to Swinburne. BUT... I'll miss everyone here!!!! T_T

Second choice is finish my Foundation first then only do my service. I want to to this one year service so I can understand better and maybe develop the community and myself more importantly. And I now strongly belive in the 2010 Ridvan Message. The importance of close relationship among the community to develop a stronger and bonded group. Junior Youth and the upbringing of children through CC.

Am halfway through my Book 4 study circle with Aunty Greta and hope to finish it as soon as possible. After that the rest of the books, I may be somewhere I dont know... Why can't I settle down anywhere?! =(

Well, went for the Career Personality Test. Results: I'm a very Investigative, Artistic and Social type of guy. Ms Evelyn, my counselor, suggested going the path of social worker, Human Resource management and maybe if I worked even harder, with my curiosity investigative, Biotech is still not out of reach! So many choices, I have to explore it during my time of service.

So, anyways, how was Valentines Day everyone? Mine was damn special! Best guy nightout ever! Me, Richard, Fabian and Nazrin (I wonder why I hangout with ppl who speak Malay more :s) went for a 3 hour long COD Modern Warfare 2 mania at Gizmo! Super fun, lots of laugh then went for dinner at the only place where I could find Penang Asam Laksa! RM4 was sooo worth it with the sweat coming from every part of our face! =D So our Valentines Day became COD - Call Of Dudes night!

Last thing, The Live Traffic on the left, when u visit, please post a comment on the chatbox with ur real name so I know who really reads my blog and not some BlogJumper who are random person from other part of the world just poking their heads inside like busybody and putting lame comments. Thanks!

Peace out and shall blog soon!

Bad hair month!

2011-02-10T23:37:00.000+08:00

From a kid till now, I have no proper hairstyle! Its always that shabby look which kinda shows I have no sense of tidiness whatsoever. Sometimes it sways where the wind blows, and after bath, the sides just go *toink* curls to the sides and that freaking irritates me too much!

I am thinking of going *an inch closer to baldness* or just ask the hairdresser what suits me best. If you have any suggestion pls post in on my Chatbox! :))

Off to the hairdresser tomorow!!!

Peace out!

Baby No. 2!

2011-02-04T00:40:00.001+08:00

Oh! My joy, my uncontrollable happiness and long dream since my birthday has finally came true! I FINALLY purchased my very own guitar!!! Been annoying my sister in Qatar practicing on hers, watching Eshan and Richard minding their business on theirs, but no more! I got my own and its soooo worth the money. Only for RM260! Plus the bag, capo it is still worth every cent of it. Been practicing a lot of songs and learning from the pros like Victor, Marvin, Eshan and of course Marty Shwartz (Youtube guitar teacher). So what songs am I able to play now? I am pretty good in strumming and currently practicing plucking with songs like Limp Bizkit's 'Behind Blue Eyes', Taylor Swift's 'Love Story' and Richard Marx's 'Right Here Waiting'. I am able to play fully

Love The Way You Lie by Rihanna & Eminem

Airplanes by B.O.B & Hayley Williams

Stuck Like Glue by Sugarland

Stay The Night by James Blunt (well 70% of it)

Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan (umm... 50%)

I Gotta Feeling by BEP (most of it)

This is my baby No. 2!

Doing something I'm not supposed to d with it, dancing!

One day, it'll be happening on stage

After the adrenaline calmed, I began my journey to stardom! =P

Lot more songs I'm learning and since I'm like at the bottom of the amateur guitar players, I have from day to night to become a pro one day. It'll take years but all the numbness and rock like fingers of mine will bear its fruit when the day comes! :]

So, its Chinese New Year now so wishing all my blog-readers a happy, joyous and prosperous Year of Rabbit! Play fireworks to your content and dont forget to shower people (especially me) with ANGPOWS!!!!!!! =D

It kinda fekt like a war of Fireworks in the whole of Kuching. =/

Peace out and shall blog again real soon!

A chance I didn't take advantage of

2011-01-29T00:36:00.000+08:00

Failing my EMA & Physics crushed me. Most above all, it crushed my dream of becoming a Biotechnologist. I can't even get through the first phase of engineering, what more in the Part 2 of becoming one? I'm sorry I let my family down. I haven't been much of a good son lately. Always bringing all their high hopes of me down to nothingness. But I'm taking this is as a sign that engineering is not my closest friend and I can never play cards with it. Thats why I have decided to choose another career path which is the complete opposite of what I been studying. Maths is the only similarities. Business.

I hope to complete my foundation by this coming semester so I can move into my desired course - Bachelor of Commerce (Marketing). Why business? Why marketing? Well, my dream job is to work in either Facebook or Google. Biotech can take me nowhere near that company. IT studying would be more ideal but business sits me. Knowing that Richard and Pam sees me as a future businessman wearing suits and leather shoes, I think I might look good in it too! HAHAHA! Marketing plays an important role in any company. It helps spread word about a product, the opening of a company and so much more. After much of research in the internet about how much would an average person in the marketing division would earn, how will the job be like and the workload, I think I would suit myself for anything in this division. Its a big step to take but with lots of baby steps in the process.

My next semester starts in late March so I have plenty of time to start my studies on the 4 business subjects. This time no letting down for anyone!!!

Lots of love and peace out!

FML

2011-01-21T10:01:00.000+08:00

Seriously, FML. I cant take anymore self humiliation. Quitted Facebook, and now Swinburne could be next. Life is just pure devil's playground. I thought I could at least passed 3 of them and failing Physics but never knew that EMA was just 7 marks away from God's grace. Luck wasnt the problem for me, the problem was me and will remain to be me. Goodbye.

No, Im not quitting Blogger too since this will be my only social place where I can scream out any shit I want. And as if people read my blog. Can bet theres only less than 5 people in this world that reads whatever I post on this boring site of mine. And I dont count those people posting comments on my Cbox cos I dont take them as real 'customers'.

Peace.

The Wait Is Over

2011-01-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

Its been nearly a mere two months since our last semester's Finals finished and the long holidays for us where joy of it ending has now turned all Swinburne students into sour faces on the night before the results are being published. Sad faces, 'suicidal' status on Facebook and all the tension in the air in campus and around the world. I'm very much worried myself. I have English, Physics, EMA and Inno to pray for. Praying now is quite useless since all the papers were maked long back. My main worry will obviously be Physics. My weakest subject among everything else. My chances of failing it again is considerably high because I struggle in understanding the concepts of Physics. Never liked it nor have interest in it.

Anyways, I've fallen sick with fever, cold and stomach upset started from yesterday morning and it became worse as the day went by. Been consistently taking Paracetamol and thankfully, my dizzyness and fever and cold has deteriorated but my appetite for food is still lost. This weird feeling Ive been having is just awful. Hope to be better soon cos I wanna go to the movies with the gang for 'The Green Hornet' that should be released on Sunday! x.x

Peace out and take care and dont die tomorow!

♫ Tell Everybody I'm On My Way ♫

2011-01-14T19:00:00.000+08:00

Hard to believe that one month has flew by since I arrived in Qatar. And I'm already leaving back to Home in Kuching where all my relatives and friends await! Did PLENTY of shopping (4 days before leaving!), loads of working out in the gym and found out I still got the skills in pool. =D

Plenty to update and post about whatever that has been going on around lately but I just got my laptop back from the full service. Fan replaced and screen changed. Sooo, will post it maybe while I'm in the airport or back in Kuching. Anyways, I miss all my uni peeps so much! Those who have yet to do their MPW with me are doing it in Swinburne now. Will definitely pop in campus to surprise them with a visit and a movie that I must watch - The Green Hornet!

That's all I wanna talk about cos I gotta take a relaxing nap on my comfy bed before my family goes to Al Gharafa for the Australia vs South Korea Asian Cup match! Don't think it will be a disappointment!

Peace out peeps!

I have AHS

2011-01-09T07:38:00.000+08:00

I have AHS! well, I created that abbreviation. Dont worry, its not a serious case of disease. =P Its 'Always Hungry Symptom'! Every hour, knowing or hopeful that there is food or at least juice for me to munch on. Whether its chocolate fudge, or a basket of grapes, nothing ever satisfies me!

Gosh... its worse than a habit. Eat plentiful, still as 'kurus' like Su Juin said, candlestick. -.- I want to be fat! Not many people want that but I would like some of your extra fat under your arm transferred to me. I want a belly! I hate listening to people saying I still so skinny when I have to re-explain that I'm trying my hardest to get into shape! Yes, round is a shape! I want to be chubby! =D

Anyways, leaving back to Qatar next Saturday. Hard to believe a month has almost reached its end then Im back in Kuching. I missed everyone in SwineBurn! MPW summer semester will begin on Monday and thank God Im done with that! I miss it a lot though, no stress, not heavyload homeworks or issues to deal with. It was the most easy going semester of all. I was extremely happy! So while Im in Kuching, Ill go to campus once a while to hang out with my friends and pay my former lecturers a visit. It'll make me and them happy too. =)

Anyways, its getting late, and the no sleepyness in me is gone so nights all!

Peace out!

Surprisingly, it helps!

2011-01-07T16:57:00.001+08:00

Many people watch TV shows as in they follow series. Many examples like Glee, Scrubs, CSI etc etc. It gives us time to relax our mind and just switch off everything else with the main focus is on the TV and the snack you're holding. I dont watch much TV to be honest. I used to have this Ben 10, Power Rangers and even Pokemon obsession. And to be more precise, I still love them. And weirdly enough, I still do watch Pokeon episodes once a while to know whats been happening since its been my childhood fantasy. I still live to it. Another TV series that I have jusr recently began to take a very heavy dose of is 'How I Met Your Mother'.

Yeah, its kinda late to start watching it from season 1 but I do not regret it. I feel that I start to watch it at the right time. Why? I understand it a lot better now compared to if I were to start watching it 5 years ago. I downloaded all of the seasons till season 6 where it stopped. Been watching it everyday as my passtime to calm myself and forget about my existance in the current world. It feels really good especially when theres a lot of thrill, mystery and keeps the audience guessing. One episode after another, and in 2 weeks Im now in season 5 and cant wait for season 7 to be out and ready for download!

Basically the story is about a guy named Ted Mosby in the 2030, telling his 2 kids his story of how he met his mother. Throughout each season, he goes through all kinds of events that lead up to him meeting his mother. Not only its entertaining and insanely hilarious, it sometimes make me think of what is being taught in the episode. During one of the episodes, I remember how careful you must be with your heart. You are looking for 'The One' and its a very very long road, it could annoy you of how much pain you must go though just to meet 'The One'. But as Ted told, it is all worth it in the end. Enjoy the present, dont frget the past but learn from it and live like there's no tomorow. Dont be afraid to throw whatever challenges life throws at you. Take it, and if you dont like it, throw it right back at life. You deserve better. No one can tell you how to live your life. You are your own religion but set your own limits on how it will affect you and your surroundings. Life can suck A LOT. But thats what makes us who we are today. Date people, get to know them because one day you'll realize that leading to the build-up to your future.

I decided myself that if I want to be happy, I would prefer not to think about marriage, jobs or serious relationships. Yes of course I would like to go out with people, date awhile but not getting too serious. I want my options available and I'll live my life how I want it. No friends or family can change that. 'I am awesome' - Barney Stinson ;)

Fav quotes - 'Suit Up!' - Barney
   - 'It is going to be Legen.. wait for it...Dary!' - Barney
   - 'This is so going in my blog' - Barney
   - 'What?! You dated a pornstar?! Friendsip Over!' - Barney to Ted xD
Ted: The truth is: My friend, he does this thing where he goes to airports with fake luggage to pick up girls and we followed some here to Philadelphia. That's it, that's all this is!
Airport Security Guard: Nobody's that lame.
Ted: Yes, he's that lame. [to Barney] Tell him you're that lame.
Barney: We are international businessmen!

Carl: Hey Marshall, whataya have?
Marshall: What I’ll have, oh I don’t know maybe a beer and that nude painting of me hanging behind the bar!
Carl: Oh, I’m sorry. That painting is property of the bar.
Marshall: I know that Barney gave you that painting!
Carl: I don’t know what you’re talking about...
Marshall: Whatever he is paying you I'll pay you double!
Carl: I doubt it.
Marshall: Whatever he is paying you I’ll pay you that plus ten bucks!
Carl: I doubt it.
Marshall: Alright, you know what, Carl? You just lost yourself a regular customer!!!
Carl: I doubt it.

XD

And sooo many more I am lazy to insert in my blog. LOL
Enjoy and peace out world!

2010 - My bumpiest year to date

2011-01-05T07:43:00.001+08:00

Everyone has their good years and bad obviously. There isnt a single year in anyone's life in which everything went as smooth as a slide. Mine went through a lot of disappointment, frustration and even led to depression. This is the year I turned 18 and although many times things did not go as I wished. But with all due respect to 2010, I want to remove all the memories we had. Some hurts, some kills but I want to put everything behind especially the bad ones. Lets focus on the memorable days of my life in 2010.

Actually, everything started off badly as I got into my first car accident on new year's day. Fortunately, no one was hurt and I never had accidents since. Sort of like my wake up call I guess.

2010 also became the year my heart fell in love with the girl I can still think may be the one I'd share everything about my life with. Although we may not be together as a couple for now, due to the trouble of a very very long-distant relationship, its decided we best stay as friends until we get to be together physically. I dont want to think about any sort of relationship at the moment after being 'ditched' by a girl for a some other guy. Yeah, Im soft hearted but I feel that I came out of that a lot more stronger and mature. Lots of things that happened in our lives the way we didnt want it to be, but I believe that one thing always lead to another and end up a good ending. God doesnt want us to have a sad ending. He sent us friends, awesome roommates, friendly and caring university people and on top of that, parents who would do anything to do whats best for me even though, it can hurt sometimes, but its always for the better.

Lets look at the pictures that defined my 2010. =)

End of MPW course. My orientation group. Best mates I ever hungout with...

Craziest evening after exams in March. Karaoke for 6 hours non-stop. Came out voiceless!

first Naw Ruz celebration in Kuching. food hunting and visiting homes. =D

Egghead! I called it Rex's egg.

The brother-like bond I share with my new favourite cousin Shayan! as adorable as ever!

Wrestlemania!!! at the most famous Ayam Penyet shop in Kuching!

The groupie which introduced the addicting DotA and educated me well. =D

Naw Ruz celebration as MC with Yen San. Felt so perasan after that. Dont blame me.

We kick ass almost every night! Hell yeahhh

Went Raya-ing with mates first time! Quite an awesome night! and yes, wore my first Baju Melayu to the public and honestly, there was a story behind this night. Gay checking me out in the car. Long story cut short; I'm attractive even to guys. =P

Family always stick together. Sort of like the Fantastic Four. One girl with her boyfriend in it, the other two forever alone. LOL

Chingsta-ing as we branded it.

The one thing we cannot live without. COD and OneTJ cyber!!!!!!! we're more than addicts. We're married to it!

Not a coincidence happening twice between me and Iziani's photos.

My best hair day of my 18 year old life

Our beloved Mr MD. never a week without visiting him.

The audition for the role of Corny but got Link instead. What luck! =D

Road rage me? Is that THE FINGER??? tententen... *background music* I think not.

Damai Trip number one with English magazine project gang. *big mistake*

Trip number two I didnt regret. Best outing to the beach. Stress relief more of.

When it comes to food, dont mess with us Kuching-nians.

Absolute zero tolerance with kau-soy!!!!!!!

Dont see this face of Sita dont you? Now you do! =D *sorry Sita*

Our 'curse' in Thailand. Took it off after I got dengue. -.-

The 5km hike to a waterfall. Was it worth it? Nope. Sorry. But it was relaxing.... =)

One heck of an art beauty by the kids for the drama. Us tutors best shot. I miss everyone!

This is how we describe India! You want to eat? what the f***..... XD

The only meaningful and worth it camp I have attended. (didnt need to pay but totally awesome)

Recording studio. It was once in a lifetime chance. Oh yeah.... I recorded a song.

Pattaya. The only place in the world I hated so much but would still love to go again. XD weird....

being fed to the fish never felt so ticklish or healthier.

Our Hairspray booth during the Swinburne Fair made the best business. Me & Pam became the hairdressers for the day. It was tiring but satisfactory watching our customers walking around with our designs on them.

The good times every past 3 years.... =)

Its not fake! I swear! and we're smiling about it. =D Learning to do bandages.

Heartbroken or connecting the love. You tell me.

The best 3 hours of my life. Link Larkin stole the night with the slap. Oh yeah....

Go the distance...... No actually, was looking at a couple waling in the dark. XD

Panic moments playing Hangman on her BB.

Being a kid makes me wanna be one right now.... I want chocolate... Mmmmm

Squeezing every last drop of our brains on Finals in the library. 15/6

Which led to the knockout blow! Teehee

And celebrate!!!!!

Happy New Year and have an awesome 2011 ahead. =) Peacing out

Pictures I promised and so and so...

2010-12-27T02:57:00.000+08:00

A lot has happened since end of semester. Im in Qatar now and today I just managed to get my laptop back after nealry 2 weeks without it. Thats the reason why I wasn't motivated to blog with the house laptop. LOL But sadly my laptop has been switching off by itself like it has a mind of its own so I cant do any of my work peacefully. Hmm...

Okay apart from that, here are the pictures which I got from my friend Martin who is an extremely awesome photographer. As I promised, taaadaaa! =]

At the Drama Club Appreciation Dinner Night

Coolest shot of us at the end of our last dance =]

Take A Bow

The Drama Club Committee members

Barbeque!!!

All in 1!

After my song performance

During my performance of 'Me & My Guitar'

Its Overrrr!

River dancing with MC Ashik knocking himself out

Seaweed's crew reacting to judges bombshell performance. Look at Navin's expression! LOL

Classic Sears & Izziani shot. Sorry Izz! :P

Me, Jasmine & Elsy.

I guess thats all I intend to upload here cos the rest are on Facebook anyways. Ill update about life maybe in 2 days maybe. Wanna relax with music, watching movies I downloaded through my Bittorent master. I seriously cant live without it. ;D

Peace out, and Merry Christmas & A Happy Joyous 2011 New Year coming sooooon!

A semester to remember and savor

2010-12-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

Hey wassup everyone! Haven't been updating everyone on how things have been going on since production week. Well its partly because of my recent ended Finals for semester 2 and no personal time nor the urge to blog. I blame myself cos of laziness obviously. LOL

So, what events have happened throughout this whole semester. I have to admit, its already approaching a year since I last joined this university and in the last semester of 2010, a whole load of crap, moments, fun came and went. Some regrets over what happened but this is a semester I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. It has taught me so much about life, which friends stay true and faithful to you, my capabilities and most of all, appreciation for everyone. I don't like hating or envy others. I just hate to hate. Having a grudge between friends is like a drop of sour milk into fresh milk. I would like to apologize to the people I may have made my mistakes but this is me and everyone's learning. Its impossible to avoid making mistakes so let's just accept each other for who we are.

First of all, in this semester I've met a lot more people, shared a lot more close bonds with people I never knew last semester. The closest person I came to the heart is Richard. Knew him from last semester and right from the beginning of this sem, we had LOADS of shitty times, memorable ones and we are sort of like nonidentical twins. Sticking by each other through wind or storm. Keeping each other company whenever one of us feeling down and never afraid to share our problems or day. I'll continue to support him like he's my own brother as long as we know each other. Another person whom I shared a close bond is Eqa. How it all started I can't really remember but how our friendship developed further still remained a mystery. We became more than friends after a beach trip where we talked about so many things which I cant remember but it didnt matter to me. I would liek to thank her for being my pillar through my tough times few weeks ago. I would like to apologize for whatever mistakes that I did but I would like to wish you good luck in your relationship with your new boyfriend Shakir. Hope you 2 will be happy together for a long time. Izziani, Jasmine Tan, Embok, Haszar, Pam, Eshan, Nazrin and Aisya. You all have been very supportive and a great friend to me. Knowing all of you was the best thing about here in Swinburne. Trusted friends are hard to find so you guys are in my special list for Christmas. :D

Okay, now into how the production went? Well, it was definitely the best moment of my life. A day where I sang for the first time in front of hundred's of people, performed live on stage acting and dancing of course. It was like happiness switch was on the whole day! I'll let the pictures do the talking. It was one unforgettable day. :)

So, the Finals has just ended on Friday morning and other than Physics again, everything went alright. Confident I can pass all the subjects but a lil afraid for Physics once again. Studied my ass off for this subject but somehow I begin to accept that I cant be good or no capability to understand the concepts well. It just wont be stuck to the back of my brain. Short term memory loss for Physics. :/

Let's not talk about studies now. This semester was also the ending of me and Khimmy's relationship. I would like to apologize to her for not being able to be with her for a long time and although we're still friends, I would like to thank her for being the best and only girlfriend I ever had and shared many moments together although we only met just once. Wish you all the best with your life and maybe someday we'll meet again. :)

This semester has been a real roller coaster. Loads of crap happened for me, my friends and so much more you dont wanna know. Pictures will be posted separately so keep reading my blog! I might be off to Qatar this Thursday. (yeah, it was very sudden when mom called on Saturday asking if I wanna go back to Qatar for the holidays for a few weeks). I jumped with a definite yes cos I miss home a lot... :)

Stay tuned!
Maxi =)

Week Of Excitement!

2010-11-15T17:15:00.000+08:00

Well well well, its finally the week I've been waiting for this whole semester! Thursday's the day where all our dammed hard-work, 110% commitment every week of practice, immense pressure to perform b the director Gerard, ouch-ing shouting here and there and on top of that, FUN! It's gonna be a Link week! =D

Its taken more than 2 months of practices, training, tension and obviously that brought stress into all the cast members. A lot has happened between us in drama club. Had the hilarious moments, serious times, awkward periods and tense situations. That would all be brought into one-day of stardom. Man, Im getting pumped for this! =] Its just 3 more days with tomorow a full-dress rehearsal, I have yet to go cut and style my hair for the production, contacts so I will look more like Link and dont have to wear glasses on the day. Sadly, parents not so lenient on cash to support me in this. Gotta stretch myself to the limits in monetary terms. Plus, after this day, the plan of the club to take everyone out to the beach for a celebration of success. I need moneyyy~~~ How can save if I have just enough to survive myself… Can’t shop around like others either. Its like 2 months, 1 shirt! Just not my type… I so wanna shop!!! Hardest thing to do is window-shopping, that’s worst.

Anyways, finals is on the 1^st and 2^nd week of December so there’s so much to catch up on especially Physics. EMA, I grow more and more confident everytime I do the exercises. Inno, presentation went great, haven’t really touched on it. Not so worried about it even though here’s a whole load of crap to memorize. Why? Not many people pay much attention to the subject I guess? Hahaha……

Now to my group’s English report. This sucks even more. My interviewee doesn’t seem to respond my calls or emails. F-ing piss me off! For now, just gotta work on the body of the report and let the rest do its part. I don’t wanna care too much about it cos I have other better things to do like, eat, sleep, eat, sleep etc. Hehehe…. Just kidding!

Anyways, study week is approaching so I better stop facebooking and start revising! :]

Peace out!

Not last minutes!!!

2010-11-05T23:27:00.000+08:00

Burning the midnight oil once again for tomorrow's EMA test in the noon. No, I am NOT doing last minute studies. I'm doing revision after doing plenty of questions for the past few days. Not been going to class much for EMA n Physics cos I prefer studying in library. Self study. Lecturer just told me that I better get back to regular attendance cos its not gonna be good even though I self study. Next week no more skipping! promise to self. :)

Anyways, good luck and all the best for everyone taking the test as well as EMB too. Will have more updates on everything that has been happening as soon as possible.

Take care peeps!

I still miss you

2010-10-31T16:19:00.000+08:00

My phone seems so empty lately. So dead and even though I keep checking for messages, I dont find many. Although Eqa (my new closest friend) is close to me, she has her own things to do most of the time. Twittering with her friends and hanging out with them. I dont blame her and I have no right to do anything to her. Plus, the only time we are able to meet is after classes or during lunch... Seeing her makes me happy always but the feelings inside me arent showing the truth at times...

I still miss her. I miss Khimmy a lot. Honestly, I read her blog like everyday and seeing her being close to someone makes me feel like crap. How much I hurt her and how we ended is something I never wanted to do. I am not sure of myself whether I still want her in my life again. Its tough. I thought that if I remain single for a couple of months and I still want her, I pray that she accepts me and forgive me for whatever wrong I did. She's still special. I just can't bare to see her with another guy. Somehow it puts a dagger through my heart for me to rot... Maybe in time I'll make it through...

Its been nearly 2 weeks since we seperated. I'm currently single and very not used to it. I dont have anyone whom I can share everything yet. I tell Eqa a lot of things but she can be 'unresponsive' at times. :P

Drama Club have been plenty of practices lately since the day of us performing is in like 3 weeks. It is energy draining. Dance moves, guitar practice and practicing our lines and stage coordination. Not much breaks cos I have studies to focus on as well cos I have EMA test this Saturday then Finals 2 weeks later..... I am screwed!!!

Peace out and take care world...

There's Just No Getting Over You

2010-10-28T10:14:00.000+08:00

It's been like what, one week since me and Khimmy seperated because of some total mis-understanding by her. I know that you whole-heartedly hate for me for what 'I Did'. I would like to make one thing clear and its directly from me to you Khimmy Geuan.

When I askd for a break-up, I didnt want to completely remove you from my life. I still cared for you and still love you A LOT. You didnt see that. I wanted to 'break-up' momentarily because I found that I need to spend time for myself more and enjoy being with my friends. I still need you since you are my backbone from January onwards. You didnt take it well and did not understand me. Instead you went on with how you think and became too emotional. I knew that you are too attached to me, saying that you can't study without me and stuff. I dont want me to be the reason why you study. Too much attachment isnt good dear. Its true.

Now about what happened on Twitter. I'm still following you on Twitter and so were you. There's a reason behind it. I posted 'love notes'. About park, stars, moon, you; cant sleep thinking about you; wanting to stand with you on a mountain; Westlife lyrics and etc. IT WAS DEDICATED FOR YOU AS A HINT THAT I STILL LOVE YOU. But no. You mis-interpreted it for Eqa. I am not in love with Eqa. That night after you said that you hate me, I wanted to go watch movie with the gang but the rest was too tired and went off soemwhere else already. So I invited Eqa for a movie instead because I needed a distraction from what happened in the day. It went well and we talked a lot. That's it. Came home and before I went to bed, I thought of you because I still miss you.

The next day however changed at night. I went on with life as usual till my mom called asking me to check my mail and urgently, so I checked and saw that my sis went me a mail regarding you. I thought that why should you, Khimmy, involve my parents??? That's not the smartest thing to do. Its the worst. Rule of relationship, DONT INVOLVE FAMILY!!!! I know you said that its because you dont want me to be hurt again by other girl, saying that Eqa is not a good girl. Erm.... Am I chasing after her? NOPE. We are the best of friends and inseperable. We enjo being with each other but not as much as when I'm with you. I loved you still but involving my parents simply crushed feelings I had for you. Till now I still care you and always checking your blog. If you still looking at my Twitter status or reading this blog, its cos you still care and dont deny it Khimmy. All I said here is true and from my heart. And the heart never lies.........

I still think of you occasionally because I miss your messages, and calls. What you posted on your blog seriously hurts me a lot and how you think of me is just the total opposite of me. If I really love someone, I dont flirt or chase after other girls. I'm not that type. I hope to receive a reply from you. Even a text would do.... There's Just No Getting Over You....

Max

1 year and I still want you

2010-10-17T12:18:00.000+08:00

14th October 2009 was the day my whole world just came crashing to earth with one email and the word of my treasure is gone forever in this world. I lost believe in God and lost faith in Him. I cried for days and hours. It was like my heart just got tipped over a bridge and falling endlessly. It took days to actually stop crying over a dog. I dont think I can ever stop crying cos she's forever up there in the stars watching over me.

Looking at her pic and wondering if she's ever coming back. She's irreplacable and definately not worth any price. I wouldnt sell her for even the price of Google. I love her so much. I miss her so much.... I still want to spend longer time with you. Imagine my anger and frustration to learn that the 2 drivers who drove off after knocking Lucky will be unforgiven. This shows hwo humans are like animals. So degrading.

Anyways, I better focus back on my studies.... Lucky, forever in my thoughts and heart...

In my memory of Lucky, 14th October 2009

Movingg Forward!

2010-10-13T13:06:00.000+08:00

Exam has just finished yesterday and I have lots of sleep to cover up for the co-sleep Monday night. My body just doesn't coordinate themselves and listen to my brain. All I want is sleep. Mid-term just gave me another reason to slack off a lil. hehehe. The exams was alright, wasnt very tough but I made some mistakes here n there so I still need to do more exercises to have a good grip on the subjects...

Special thanks to Izziani for inviting us to go over to her place for morning breakfast (which we didnt really have a proper one in a long time) and study together which really helped me. :) Pictures and I found my camera could focus so well! Photography just caught me by surprise. I thought my cam sucked but who knew! Pictures will be uploaded soon.

Been listening to a whole load of music lately, exploring new ones and thye same time not forgetting the golden oldies like MJ, Michael Bolten. lol.

Ooohhh!!! One more thing. I have a new record for having Oreo McFlurry for 5 days in a row! Sorry, my addiction just grew stronger after my first one. Cooled down now but not for long McD!!! :D

Tomorow will be a special dedication blog post so stay tuned! :)

Its BACK!!!

2010-10-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

No, I am not excited... It's mid-terms. How can I be excited?! The pain of doing EMA, Innovation & Change and Physics exams kills. Everyone turns into the study mood where library are near packed like a beehive.

No time for blogging till Tuesday! Bet that the moment I finish my exams, I will be on the run to do more exercises for EMA! Its a must score subject! HD is the limit! :D

Peace out and good luck to all examiners. :)

Wishes...

2010-10-08T09:33:00.001+08:00

I wish that I was happy forever...

I wish I was richer...

I wish I was talented in something...

I wish to have started guitar long time back...

I wish to play the piano...

I wish the world would remove the poor...

I wish there was a money tree...

I wish for an iPhone 4...

I wish to have an Ipod Touch...

I wish for a Dell XPS...

I wish Lucky would still be here with me...

I wish my family success always...

I wish to be with her 24/7...

I wish to have passed all my 1st sem exams...

I wish I was a smartass...

I wish to have lived in a place all my life with longterm friends...

I wish for a better life...

I wish to have superpowers...

I wish my life has a remote control...

I wish for Bahai's to be recognized around the world as a religion...

I wish there wont be any poor...

I wish to be eating every hour...

I wish for better health condition...

I wish for an airticket to KL to see her...

I wish I could remove painful memories...

I wish to be better looking...

I wish to be stronger...

I wish to be a professional footballer...

I wish to travel around the world...

I wish to watch a game at Old Trafford...

I wish to have a DSLR...

I wish to meet Bill Gates...

I wish to work at Google in future...

I wish I was a better friend...

I wish my blog was more interesting...

I wish to live in New Zealand...

I wish for more holidays...

I wish to get married to Khimmy...

I wish to love, not hate anyone...

I wish to go to Disneyland...

I wish to own a limousine...

I wish to have a PS3...

I wish to be a secret agent like 007...

I wish life is never sad...

I wish you to be happy always...

I wish March to come sooner...

I wish Swinwifi to be faster...

I wish to make right decisions and choices...

I wish life wasn't miserable...

I wish to meet God...

I wish to know myself more...

I wish to be understood...

I wish to be immortal...

Choice

2010-10-05T11:26:00.000+08:00

Today during early 8.30am English class was rather different. Apart from listening to slides on how to do report and some boring easy Harvard Referencing, the lest 20minutes of the class really got my mind think real hard for a long time. Our teacher asked this question to the class.

What is the essence of choice?

I seemed to be starstruck. Not sure why but thoughts, questions, answers, doubts and pondering came gushing into my brain. It was as if I just got plugged into a memory reader. A few students were asked by the lecturer to answer. I had something to say too but it was too complicated for even me to understand so I kept quiet the whole Q & A session. She asked us more

2. Do we really make a choice or does a choice just happen?
3. Is having no choice really bad?
4. If we are influenced by the way we were brought up, is it really our choice?

I have gone through a lot of pain, suffering, difficulty until insanity. Just name it. Choice... Definately everyone has made choices, good and bad. But is it really because we wanted it or we made it turn to the choice crossroad? Bearing in my mind that I chose to come to this far and remote area to study my university was the hardest decision I had to make. After choosing Taylors, I thought I was happy to finally be accepted into the university I wanted since last year. It was a choice. I never regretted it until I was removed from SJ's life. I felt that I got into the position where I had to make up my mind. Continue with studying in Taylors or just start fresh. I wanted fresh because I felt that if I were in Taylors, I don't know she would have affected me emotionally. Starting fresh was my last choice but I took it. It was my chance.

When I first started with the first few weeks of Swinburne, I felt that this is where I should build my home. I was wrong. Moving into first semester after MPW, I got depressed with the people around me. Hated my life and always felt very negative about myself and everyone else apart from my family. It lasted for months... I felt like the loner and outcast I keep thinking I was. Not till I met the CP family. I slowly began to blend in with them. They accept people for who they are. No matter what nationality you are. I felt grateful for knowing such people and till this day I'm still hanging out with them almost all the time. Richard, who has become my closest mate here in Kuching. Since Pam & Eshan are the lovebirds now, I do at times feel like the '3rd person'. I don't like it but I try to not think negative and just stay on happy. :) Richard is good company and fun to have around and I don't like to see him moody. Always have to make sure he's alright and happy. Tough but I do it because he's all I have left here in Swinburne if anything happens.

Mid-terms in less than a week so the 3 crazy subjects are constantly banging my lil brain. I'm quite worried about my Physics since the class is terrible and hard to really remember anything. Will focus on it after I'm done with EMA & Inno. I wanna get at least more than half. Like 28 out of 40. Its my minimum so yeah.... Darn studies! Music shall keep me company! :D

I haven't done much practice on my guitar sadly... :( Been so caught up with so many events and busyness. Hate it. I have like 1 month left to play the song for drama. My solo! Excited, nervous but worried I cant do the song in time. Below is the song I will be singing and playing. Hahaha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlRq8E_Teoc

Peace out and live life like it's your last. ;]

September side

2010-09-30T17:50:00.000+08:00

Its been more than a month since I returned for my second semester here at Swinburne. A LOT has happened and I guess since the wild month has come to an end, its time for.... reflection. hahaha. I dont do it much but its a month Ill remember for many reasons.

Well, I'm doing a repeat for both my failed subjects (I know, I hate it more than anything else), Physics & EMA. I really dislike going to the classes and sit in there and having to go through the whole process and routine again. But this time while in class and doing my revisions I feel a lot more confident and with a highr aim. A "HD"! Its like a 20% chance but Im gambling it and will try my best. Physics? I dont like the lecturer AND the class. I prefer self-study seriously, the class is freaking noisy for me to concentrate so I spend my time either in the library or cafeteria on studying it. Anyways, for English & Communications this year, tougher and more challenging as we have presentations! I will be presenting mine tomorow as the last presenter. (got picked last in the draw lot)lol The rest of the class except the 5 of us left have presented so there isn't much pressure or nervousness in my body. Feeling confident and gonna ace it! Moving on to the most interesting subject I've taken, Innovation & Change. Our project this year is create/invent something totally new that will benefit the society. My group consisting of Pam and new pals Fabian & Jacqueline! Should be fun working with them on it! Teehee~~

Moving from education nonsense, to what fun I've done! Unfortunately the only movie we watched at the beginning of the month is 'Step Up 3'!!! Epic, cool, and awesome. Kept me wanting more. Though I've already watched it in my laptop, still watching with my friends and knowing every move they're making is mind-blowing. Parkour, popping and breaking we never seen before. Gotta love the choreographer for these dances. I want popping!!! Been doing a lot of that since watching the movie! hahaha... Apart from movie night, we been pretty tied down for preparation for presentation. Really drains the life outta ya! But to relieve stress or boredom on weekends, we never turn down COD!!! Call Of Duty 4 Modern Warfare. The best multi player shooting game. It beats Counter Strike without doubt! While many other are Dota-ing or L4D in the OneTJ (Kuching's best CC), we COD! there are a few people there playing too so sometimes they'll just join in our game and ass-kicking goes back and forth. Its like our relief from studies while killing people. HAHAHA!

Drama practices have started and I have to practice my lines and singing. This time with me playing a guitar. Learning on the guitar can be painful especially with new strings. Its my friend's guitar so I'm borrowing it for practice. :) A couple of songs to practice so my vocals are in shape. Woohoo! Got sore throat now though.. :(

My birthday? Hmm.. nothing really special but I had 2 ice-cream cakes! :D The pics are not with me so Ill post what I got from my friends! :) Couldn't really celebrate because my friends had presentation the next day. So sad.... Anyways, it started perfectly and I got myself a new pair of shoes with birthday $$$! :D

new! only for 40 bucks leh...

Khimmy's birthday gift for me. Pasted on my wall already lo... :)) Love it!

With the birthday card! ^^ very sweet inside.

Its a drawing of how we met and till this day, 9 month relationship. ;] Thx babe

A gift from my bestie Vonny. She got everyone I know to sign this booklet with photos. Very creative and cool! Thx Vonny! :)

L7 Orientation gang!

My MPW semester. Favourite people of Swinburne! :)

me practicing my guitar.

In this one month I've met and bonded with many new people especially during the Swinburne Carnival a day before my birthday where I was in charge hairspraying people's hair with colours! Man, I was exhausted that day. lol. Pictures are on facebook unfortunately. Next time I gotta bring my camera with me every now and then! hahaha.

Peace out!

University's birthday gift! (:

2010-09-25T01:57:00.000+08:00

I am FINALLY DONE with my English speech and PowerPoint! Imagine the relief I had in my heart the minute I submitted it in through the net for Safe-assign. I was even more happier when I only got 2% plagiarism for the PowerPoint and 5% for speech. Took my sleepless nights, constant headache attacks and busy nights and noons. BUT, the remaining challenge which is actually doing the presentation in front of the class. My topic which made me go insane? 'USA should stop being the world's policeman". I love the topic but getting the right points down is a tough nut to crack. But who cares! I'm done now! My presentation is next Friday and the university's birthday gift for me is preparing for the nervousness and making my jokes work while presenting. Seriously I'm praying for people to laugh at my jokes. LOL

Anyways, tomorrow's Swinburne University's 10th year anniversary since its established. IT IS GRAND. Swinburne Carnival thrown into the mix to make it even grander. Lol.Decorations everywhere to make our campus a lil less dull than usual. Black and yellow curtails and ribbons hanging everywhere. Quite a pretty sight. Maybe its time to put my rusty old camera back to use. Its been so long. Ill be in charge of the kissing booth for tomorrow. I'll be doing promoting while Vicky's the 'kisser'. Pictures to be posted soon! =D

Sunday which also falls on my birthday( no plans... -.-), is more like drama practice for the upcoming production. I'm Link (Zac Efron in the movie) in the movie Hairspray. Lots of practices, singing and dancing in the coming weeks. Positive that it won't rule over my studies according to mom & dad. :)

So...... it's getting late after a COD ass-kicking (we got ass-kicked by nazrin's team) a couple of hours ago, I am exhausted from a week's work. Week ends tomorrow! hahaha. Nights and love to all and my bao bei. Muackzzz.......

Headshot!

2010-09-20T20:55:00.000+08:00

Past couple of days my health hasn't been supporting me. Just less than a week before my bid gay, I am going through pain. Its the sort of pain in the head which sucks the life out of you. My head feeling wobbly, getting tired easily, losing concentration and focus in just about anything. Feeling afraid to drive too! God! I tried sleeping for about half-day, woke up feeling better but soon, I found myself wanting to slam my head into the walls. It came back to haunt me. I dont know what's wrong.

Checked in the internet if its migraine or other causes, I cant tell which is which! I dont study this so yeah, screw it lah. The pain moves from left to right then back to left. As I type this, it's on my right side now. wtf......

Heal me!!! I'm not feeling like myself.... huhuhu... :(

ANyways, a couple of my friend's birthday's coming including a very 'distant and past' friend. I hope we can re conciliate with each other and put the past behind. Do love, not hate. :)

Peace out peeps! (aduh...so pain...)

:/ What does my presence mean??

2010-09-14T20:30:00.000+08:00

Hmmm.... As I sit down here in the jamming room, blurringly watching Richard working the drums like he owns it, Pamela on the cute lil ukulele, Marvin & Victor on the guitar and vocals. I just sit here blogging. What I contribute?? I keep hating myself for not being able to sing properly, having such a low voice, and worse of all, I cant play ANY musical instruments.NONE. :''(

What do I do? I want to be a part of it, but I cant contribute any talent cos I don't have any clue other than VERY BASIC drumming. This is sad. Get so excited about going jamming but ended up doing absolutely nothing. Curse me...

Help...

Untold?

2010-09-13T12:01:00.001+08:00

Honestly, I'm already turning 18 in like 13 days and I have got to admit that I have NEVER went clubbing before. I always wanted to go but I just dont know who do I go with!? The gang I'm usually with most of the time are not the clubbing-friendly type. That's ok with me really, I enjoy having them company and laughing our livers out wherever we go and not feeling emo and stuff, but I do wanna experience the party life. No drinking, just hanging out, loud cool music, dancing with friends and chatting the night away. I know my limits, I know what I cannot do but I want clubbing. Somebody! Take me! I'm turning 18. hahaha.

Ayways, Raya celebration was great but the only thing that troubled me was the long distance driving. Good, food, good company, good laughs, good music but spent like Rm50 in total for petrol in just 2 weeks! Normally it would last till end of the month. So yeah, broke at the moment for some time but I should be able to manage. Photos from Raya, click the link below! Thanks Aisya, Jasmine, Iziani, Adam for the awesome food you all provided us. Will visit you all again next year! =]

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/album.php?aid=549216&id=652715649
The gang. Partially. :)

Back to classes though... :(

Virus go away!

2010-09-08T14:16:00.000+08:00

Khimmy darling,
You're feeling very sick and not well these days. I been saying Healing prayers for you to get well soon and back to your cheerful and happy girl I love. I still love you and very worried of you. I'm here in Kuching cant do much to help you and comfort you but I'm always just a text or call away to make you happier. I miss you a lot and wish you get well soon.

Love you lots babe,
xoxo
I love you so much...

Love. Simple word, big influence

2010-09-06T22:35:00.000+08:00

I dont know what should I blog about on a very uneventful Monday. Classes as usual, Work in the library, to the mall to buy gifts for my bestie's birthday tomorow, simple dinner and with no homework due tomorow, I felt the eagerness to blog. I random picked love.

Love is a very easy word to be said, used and the meaning behind it can sometimes be misused. Heartbroken, loneliness and depression. If used right, ever-lasting joy and happiness with a life worth living for. I believe am on the road to forever joy and the life I will be glad to be living in. And of course 'with'. I found her when all else in my life seemed to have ended. She without hesitation offered her heart to share the feelings with. I was grateful and forever will be for all that she has done. I now am crazily in love with her. So she is.

Ever since the day we met on the 22nd August, it was officially the happiest day of my life maybe till our marriage. (I'm ambitious and hopeful). =) I just don't know how to describe her to all readers. She is just stunningly gorgeous and sweet. Her breathe and smell is irresistible and I just wished I could keep smelling her like a dog on a trail. Our first kiss was kind of hilarious. It was after our movie Inception and after everyone has left, we were nearly through the door and turned to steal a kiss with her. It was like a 3 seconds one so we had more kisses later on which is our big secret. Hehehe. Since that day, I been seeing her in my imaginations, daydreaming and always been on my mind. Messaging each other more often and talking all kinds of crazy things which is also another secret kept between us. Lol. Also she has become more naughty but also smarter because of her focus in her revision for her trials this month. She wants to do exceptionally well because both of us intend to study together here in Kuching. Only problem is financial terms.... It's so hard for her from a family like hers. Plus I dont know if her parents would agree with the idea of sending her across the ocean to study.... Every night saying 'The Tablet of Ahmad' praying that she'll get her wish granted. Please God. You have brought us together, do us one last favour. Grant us this wish. =)

I love you Khimmy sooo very much. I hope you know that. All that we have planned and want to do in the future I desire for it. You're the woman to do it. No one else can do it better than you because you're love for me is as purer than any gold found. I love you as much as you do. ;)

God bless you and Mss you loads... xoxoxo

Its September!!

2010-09-01T23:28:00.000+08:00

The joy of the end of Merdeka night and welcoming the beginning of September is without a doubt breathtaking. Nothing much has happened so far but for some reason I seem to love this month more than any other months. Obviously one of the main reason is that my birthday is just around the end of 3 weeks into this month; I have also my bestie, Ivonne's birthday on the 7th, Jerome's on the 23rd, concert's I really wish to go if only I was in KL. (Timbaland's one). Aaahhh, thats the only agony I cannot bear looking at the concert photos a day later. Hmmm....

I already have my wishlist ready and it's a little different from what I wished for last year. (see previous birthday post last year).

Top of my list.... drumroll please....
1. My long-waiting ice-cream cake...... havent had that in a very long time...

2. A new laptop cause my current one is having issues with its sound system and low graphics card. I need i7 processor and extremyly good graphics like the Nvidia GeForce GTX 470 in it. What are the chances.... not a rich family but not wrong to desire and want right? =P

cool!!!! =D
3. An iPod. Music lover so yeah!

4. The latest Manchester United jersey!!! Yet to get my hands on one

5. Be with my bao bei Khimmy for the day...

6. Last but not least, be with all of my friends and probably, CAKE FIGHT!!! hahahaha!!!

Vocalist?? :O

2010-09-01T16:44:00.000+08:00

hmm.. I can't play the guitar like Santana or my roomate Eshan neither can I drum like Thomas Lang and can't play a full song with the drums. Keyboard? I can't even read music notes! Bahh!!! What do I have in music?

I listen, I memorize, I dance with the beat especially popping around even while walking. I slowly begin to realise that the musical voice I lost when my voice cracked could be on its way back! When I was younger, I could chant prayers, sing all kinds of songs. But unfortunately it all came to a speeding halt when I cracked my voice when I reached puberty so **** yeah, I felt terrible. I still had the passion of singing but never actually sang in front of people and even when I went for karaoke with pals I sound like William Hung!! XD Just kidding. Not as bad as that Asian feller. hahahha....

I been practicing my vocals a lot lately with hardcore singing and I think it might be working. The song I'm putting my focus on is rap. Weird huh? Its even harder for 'Love The Way You Lie' Eminem's part. It's fast, hard and powerful. I may not sound like him but I'm trying!! >.< I wanna sing!!!!

Love The Way You Lie - Eminem ft Rihanna
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Change in heart

2010-08-18T06:29:00.000+08:00

Just recently last night, I finally got to watch the 'Arise To Serve (Glimpses from 41 Regional Conferences) and after the movie, I closed my eyes shut and all of the memories I been through serving for the Faith and I came to a realization that, I am not doing enough and reaching my full potential. I couldn't attend any of the conferences very unfortunately and regret it. I hoped that by attending at least one of the conference like the one held in KL or Kuching. I did not intend to go to the conference to meet all the familiar faces and long-time friends but to understand what is the reason The Universal House Of Justice called for these conferences. I am a Junior Youth animator. I have co-animated so far and its because I have yet to complete my Book 5. I can do a class myself but the motivation and distraction I handle is pulling me away from my happiness to serve.

I need to complete my whole Book 1 till 7 by the end of this year. That's my target and I have to put action into it. No questions. Watching these conferences being held, I felt chills through my blood and made me think extremely hard. I want to do what I love doing for the faith. I want to serve. No matter where in the world I am fated to, I will go because I love doing it.

I have also been persuaded by my mom to watch this hindi movie since my whole family is generally into Hindi movies especially touching ones that make you weep for half an hour throughout the movie. I gave in and the movie is called 'Paa'. This movie had Amitabh Bachan and Abhishek Bachan as stars. I have to say I am extremly touched. Its a must see and I admit I swelled up tears in my eyes by the end because how it touches your heart, you have no idea!
http://www.paathefilm.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86BiZGPSQrA

Check it out!

Alright, leaving back to Malaysia from boring Qatar in 2 days so lots of packing to prepare. No stress at all... JUST THAT I HAVE YET TO BEGIN!!! XD

So what's gonna happen from now?

2010-08-14T04:59:00.000+08:00

I failed my 2 worst subjects I've ever encountered and 'terpaksa' repeating them. This means I will be 1 semester behind the rest of my friends which is really depressing. But what;s done is done, I am more determined than ever to score a 'D' (Distinction) minimum for both these subjects. The only good piece of news is that I will be only doing 3 subjects this semester. English B, Physics & Engineering Maths. Which means a less hectic class schedule. It might be less stressful but the worst thing about it is watching the rest of my friends that survived last semester's evil exams moving on swiftly with their course while I suffer from this major setback. Don't worry Sears, you have plenty of support. I hope...

One of the things I miss the most in this holiday is my closest friends in Uni. I knew that from the moment I left the campus for my long break, my heart longed to see them everyday of my life. They're too awesome to not be with them. Being with them is already my cure to any sickness I feel. They're that great. Pammy, Eshy, Richard, Nazrin, Vicky, Marina, Jerome and so many more people I shared many unforgettable memories. Weirdly enough, I miss being called by the SSSC (Swinburne Sarawak Student Council) to help them out with anything. I love working for them and it does make me feel proud to offer my services to these 'cool' guys. Hahaha!

I'll be leaving from Qatar back to Malaysia on the 19th and hopefully would have a new phone by then. I need to message people!!! It's been so long since I communicated with my mates with a cell. Lol. So, I'll be back very soon and feeling regenerated and feel like I have just re-spawned from a hell challenging game. Seriously!!!

I miss Thailand a lot as well as my bestie Sita. Will update you on anything that happens to me ok? =] Miss ya!

I miss you more than anyone else Khimmy bao bei. Hopefully our time to meet is soon and guarenteed to be magical. I dont know why but I am feeling it already. No words can describe how I'm feeling about this. I just can dream and feel it in my heart that beats for you. ;] Love you lots!

Well, its at eaxctly midnight here so I better get some rest. Another day to pass with happiness and stress-free. Peace out! Goooood night!

Screwed up

2010-08-11T03:59:00.000+08:00

I screwed up. I screwed up terribly. I cant imagine of any worse situation than failing 2 subjects in my Finals and having to repeat them in the following semester. I messed up real bad...

And guess what, I would be a semester behind the rest of my fellow peers doing the same course as me most probably. Great, what I needed to think of throughout the rest of my holidays. I messed up and screwed up my education. What the f***

Sobbing my life away wasn't any help sadly....

Crappy Holidays

2010-08-08T19:32:00.000+08:00

Sorry for such a long delay in writing my post. SO much has happened obviously. Times I wished never happened. Admitted to 5 different hospitals in less than 3 weeks due to a darned dengue disease. All these happened in Omkoi into the second week. Me and Nadia got admitted into hospital the day after I fell into an extremely high fever whereas Nadia suffered from fever, vomiting and abdominal pain....

Now I'm back in Qatar for holidays and enjoying quality family time which I've missed for nearly 10 months. I missed my family A LOT. Imagine nearly a year not seeing them and now I'm making full use of the time here to relax and clear my mind and prepare for the new semester starting on 24th August. Music taking over me but sorry, my motivation to blog has fell... I need to get back in the mood!! But how?!?!

Please pray for my health. Its not been good shape lately since the damned dengue ran my body over. Lost a lot of weight and grown skinnier. =(

Peace out!!

Break approaching

2010-07-07T06:16:00.000+08:00

I guess everything comes to an end today. As I'm writing this post at 6am in the morning on a Wednesday morning with my last paper which is the devilish EMA to finish things off in less than 3 hours. On the same day where freedom is everything in my mind, I have much more worries to think about. Tonight 8pm I fly back to KL. The place I love to call home. But it'll only be a matter of hours before I leave KL too.

*Crap, here comes the travelling sickness... -.-

Thailand Setafire camp is just around the corner and I can't wait to meet with the rest of the team members. New members Priya & Eesha (whom I've yet to meet) Ill be joining them very soon when I'm in KL.
Life just is too hectic past weeks. I intend to make my Thailand a trip a place where I can find inner peace. I NEED that.

Love, I'm seriously gonna miss my bao bei while spending 3 weeks in Thailand. But it'll all be 'compensated' when I return with a few days to spare before I take flight to Doha. I miss home & family a lot... Its been around like 8 months? Missing family kills....

Anyways, Ill be writing my final post before I leave for Thailand while I'm in KL to conclude my semester 1. Stay tuned!!! =) (forceful smile)

Whoa... RuSh!!!

2010-06-30T00:34:00.000+08:00

Aaaaahhhh,,, My brain feels like its being rammed by a 100miles per hour speedy train. GOD SAVE ME!!! I have my Finals in like less than a week! I cant focus 100% on my revision and dealing with my mental illness at the wrong time. Ish ish ish....

I think I'm running out of oxygen. Can barely catch my breath! Thailand in one week too, hope I can release my tensions there but Im gonna miss my Bao Bei like crazy!!! Aduh.. And we havent met.... Ever.... T.T After Thailand? Flying to Qatar! I miss home and family. Lucky's soul is there too not to forget about her... More missing of bao bei... T.T

I dont wanna die......from busy schedules. What The Heck....

Silent Lullaby

2010-06-29T03:12:00.000+08:00

I cried myself to sleep last night. The sense of feeling troubled and distorted in my mind has been there for quite a long time. I just friggin hate it. Have no clue how to deal with it or froget about it. What's it this time? My burden to everyone

Lately, I been feeling pretty like crap. A huge burden for everyone to carry. My peers, closest friends, loved ones and to the extent, my family. Always running out of money before the end of the month. I try to save money but how am I supposed to have my own savings when I get hungry every 2 hours minimum??? My metabolism is too fast and there's nothing I can do to reduce it. I starve a lot and eat small portions in hopes to save. But yea, ended the opposite. I eat more frequent. I dont like borrowing money from people because I feel I'm a burden and a very bad loser. I see my friends all have not much of a problem in financial. They can buy their own things they want and all I can afford is things I need only. I want to get a pair of shoes so badly. I can't. Eat a lil more 'tasteful' food. I can't. I want to get some accessories for my car or laptop. I can't. Whether it is good or not, it matters to me.

Another one, I have no self-confidence. I study my EMA yesterday and only 60% stayed in my messed-up brain. The moment I saw a more complicated question, my mind just swithed off completely. I spaced-out. I panicked so much. I can't boost myself in studies. I'm gonna be slaughtered in the exam hall for EMA & Physics.

Stop crying Sears. Its getting more and more pathetic. Soon enough you'll be having a jar of tears. Stop*

Thanks bao bei, I woke up in the middle of night to your long meaningful message. It made me feel better. A lot. Your loving assurance to me is ouching and I can never ask for more from you. I love you honey. I been missing you too much lately. One of the many reasons I cried myself to dreamland......

Hard painful way

2010-06-27T16:22:00.000+08:00

Well, I played futsal on Friday morning and slipped and fell down hard on the hard concrete in the court due to the slippery surface from the previous night's rainfall. Huge scratch and a pretty nasty one on my left knee. Great. Now I'm limping.

I have the other leg to support my left because the left, the wound is too painful to bend my knee and touch whatever shorts I'm wearing. Now my right leg is too weary and tired to even moe properly. ITS PAINFUL FOR BOTH LEGS >.<

Walking around and even driving its too painful. Sacrifice for the others I guess... Limping around aint a good sight and imagine no one seems to care and offer support. Not the least of people. Thanks everyone. Hope I dont slip and make a fool out of myself.

Gotta study now with the wound like a needle poking my nerves like crazy. Please someone, give me anestesia.... Maybe that'll make me feel better..

Dragons!!!

2010-06-26T13:46:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I have this mind obsessed with DRAGONS since watching night in our widescreen 'How To Train Your Dragon' last night with the gang. IT WAS AWESOME!!!! So much excitement and thrills! The graphics. WOW!!! Cant beieve it. So perfectly done as the details are details. The storyline was better! Never seen a much better Pixar movie.

Waiting to watch 'Toy Story 3' soon!!! Exams~~~ Tak boleh ah...... haiz.... So many movies havent watched yet. Trying my best to download all of them instead of going to the cinema and spend $$$. =D

Goin back to EMA studies now..... huhuhu...

Calm down...

2010-06-24T01:44:00.000+08:00

I feel pressurized. By what I dont know. All day today I feel like my mind is being interrupted. By what I dont know. I just can't think straight. Why? I dont know... I am just very tired on the inside and outer me. Dead tired.

The only positive thing that happened to me today was that I scored 13/20 in IT Quiz Exam and done with IT for good. Other than that, my mood swung to the wrong way...

I want some privacy in my blog please. I want to write whatever I want because this is the only place where I can express my feelings and situation. Its like a friend to me. I dont want to feel resticted of what I write because this is my personal space to blog about anything and the freedom to do so here. Its a blog for a reason. Please? Thank you

Worryness...

2010-06-22T20:21:00.000+08:00

Its exact;y 2 weeks away from my Finals and theres so much to study for. IT Quiz tomorow and preparing it now. Dont know how to survive.... T.T

Engineering Maths, hmm... I have no clue whatsoever about everything and quite poor in it. Been improving lately but its in baby steps. EMA + Sears do not add up unfortunately. Seriously struggling a lot with this subject. Someone, save me..

Physics, better than EMA by 20% only. At least I know what I'm doing but still struggle here and there. I really dont know about making it through all right....

English, I not too worried for that as I have worse things to worry about already. Dont wanna crack my head for this subject which I know I'll do alright. General Maths? Habislah aku ni..... The only problem for me is Business Mathematics. I think I MIGHT do just alright.

Rounding all up (maths term), I NEED HELP!!!! or i die... >.<

Never forgotten Life

2010-06-22T12:09:00.001+08:00

I dont know if its a weakness or an advantage for someone to keep memories about his own life. I am him. I cannot erase memories of my life I spend with myself and everyone I had connections with. No matter how hard I try to erase some unwanted memories. But I guess that's life.

Is it a God's gift to me for being capable in keeping every single detail of memories? I ask myself nearly everyday. Everything that revolves around me can never leave my mind. I can remember things like my first fall of where and how and even what happened after that. My first day at primary school, goals I scored while in secondary and even how I scored too. T.T.......I dont know how but w=these memories I intend to keep no matter how weird it feels remembering them. But memories such as the bullying I received in primary, secondary and the agony I felt here in university. Relationships is worse. I shouldnt be keeping them as memories. I wished I had a bin where I can just completely remove them completely. But that isn't going to happen because that's what makes me the person I am today. BUT I dont want to keep them. Change me, then leave.

Sorry Bao Bei, this blog is something you don't wanna read and I hope you don't get upset with me. I am possessed by my thoughts. I can't control. My mind non-stop thinks. Even in the sleep, I think like crazy. That's one of the reasons I have so many deja-vu's happening to me every week. I hate it, just hate it so much. GO AWAY!!! >.<

Moving on, my primary school friends are irreplaceable. I love you guys so f****** much!!! Whether you hated me, bullied me, fooled me or what, these memories I love because we were there for 6 years and it was worth the schooling and friends I met. Yang Yenn, Re On, Jia Jun, Yang Yik, Elaine, Shirley and so much more people I had connections with. I loved it there. I hope to see all of you guys real soon. Ill try to plan something out asap k? Been so busy lately with Finals in exactly 2 weeks. Holy Crap! Gotta revise for tomorow IT Online Quiz... Don't seem to care but gotta force myself to 'read' through it. LOL

Now, bao bei, I'm very sorry for not being able to spend much time with you. Life has been a roller coaster and its still running and I'm trying to keep up. I have my Finals approaching and your SPM as well. I dont want to bother you too much or distract you from your studies. I want you to do really well and score so you can apply for scholarship here in Swinburne. Everyone here would be happy if you could come here to study. Everyone is supporting you. Richard, Ivonne, Pamela, Eshan (I think, lol), Henry and many more want you here but ultimately, I NEED you here. I will do my best in my exams too so i have to focus. I'm sorry to disappoint you. Hope you understand what I'm going through... I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ you so very much. ツ

Well, I gotta get back to work! Peace out

The things I do for love

2010-06-17T12:54:00.000+08:00

Ever been in a long-distance relationship? I've been doing this all my teen life. Believe it or not, I'm in my first official relationship and its a very far-distant one. I love it. Why? Because that girl across the sea loves me and makes me feel like I'm the luckiest guy in a relationship. I'm the type of guy who chases after girls or a so-called flirty. I just can't be that. I do not attract girls and its largely due to my appearance I feel. I never liked it or had confident in my looks. Never. But amongst the billions of women out there, she decided to give love a chance for us. It's been a little more than 6 months into this relationship and I still sometimes wonder if this is all a dream or fantasy.

I'm madly in love with her. Ever since I fell in love with her, my love for her never took any step backwards. I'm proud of myself for that. Her's too I hope. She is doing her very best to come here to Kuching to further her studies but it aint easy. That's what she does for love. All just to have us together. True love I say.

But something bothers me. I was thinking hard about this a while ago but now forgotten what it was. Maybe I should just forget about it and let life flow accordingly.

It struck me back again. It's the feeling I get when I'm around a crowd or just all by myself in the room, cafeteria or just in the car. The need to have her with me. I know many couples and they always touchy and stuff like that, having meals together, sitting next to each other and any other actions that couples normally do. I want that... I hang out with my friends a lot these days but its very different when I see things like that happen, I allow my mind to wader off and think of her. I miss her too damn much lately. Her voice is always a source of calming myself down but the moment the call ends, I feel content but at the same time sadness in my heart... I love her very much and nothing can ever seperate us and will stay together as long as God wants us to be. So, all those who are in love and with their partners, cherish each moment you share with him/her because you'll never know when anything might happen. Do the right thing. Love ain't a game to be played. Relationships are what each of you are willing to make sacrifice for the best of one another.

Bao bei, you know how much I love you? You're my first true love and I'd do anything in my strength and ability to make you happy. I Love You honey....

Mmmmuacks!

It's All About You - McFly

2010-06-15T10:53:00.001+08:00

[Danny:]
It's all about you
([Tom:] It's about you)
It's all about you, baby
([Tom:] It's all about you)
It's all about you
([Tom:] It's about you)
It's all about you

[Tom:]
Yesterday, you asked me something I thought you knew.
So I told you with a smile 'It's all about you'
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me to,
Say 'If you make my life worthwhile, it's all about you'

[Danny:]
And I would answer all you're wishes, if you asked me to.
But if you deny me one of your kisses, don't know what I'd do.
So hold me close and say three words, like you used to do.
Dancing on the kitchen tiles, it's all about you.
Yeah...

[Solo]

[Danny & Tom:]
And I would answer all you're wishes, if you asked me to.
But if you deny me one of your kisses, don't know what I'd do.
So hold me close and say three words, like you used to do.
Dancing on the kitchen tiles,
Yes you make my life worthwhile,
So I told you with a smile...
It's all about you.

[Danny:]
It's all about you
([Tom:] It's about you)
It's all about you, baby
([Tom:] It's all about you)
It's all about you
([Tom:] It's about you)
It's all about you

Its all about you in my life bao bei. xoxo

Hairspray Auditions!!!

2010-06-13T22:11:00.001+08:00

Our Drama Club's Hairspray Auditions!!!

Well, hard to believe myself that I auditioned for the main character 'Link' played by Troy Bolton. Cross my fingers I'll get it! lol
I wouldn't mind if I didn't get the part because there are so many other parts I think I'm suitable of. The auditions went well. I had to dance, read a part of a small scrip, pose and everything related to 'drama'. I was laughing all the time while dancing to the song 'Ladies Choice'. All my moves was just random. Whatever move came to my mind, I just pictured it in motion and followed what my mind is visualizing. But overall, I was content with my audition and got some pretty good response from the 4 judges. =)

Wish Me Luck!!!

World Cup Fever?

2010-06-11T21:05:00.000+08:00

Whole day I've been really excited for this World Cup kick-off later tonight. I should be out there watching with the rest of the people around the world. WHy am I here blogging? I feel sad, no one to 'teman' or give company. Some of my mates not really interested or into the game neither football. I lost the excitement all of a sudden. Lost my mood to watch the World Cup now.... I guess I'll just stay in my room and do my work......

Kurap!

2010-06-11T13:57:00.000+08:00

Past couple of days I've been feeling kinda dizzy as if I have been injected with adrenaline! All over the campus, not only studying, but causing 'havoc' between my best mates. LOL! Saying stupid and random things all of a sudden which Pamela say 'Kurap You!!!' XD

I love my friends, they make me laugh so much till when he we so stuffed ( in stomach), we go 'Ow ow ow.... gotta stop laughing cos it hurts!' Tears out of eyes and uncontrollable laugh. Everyday is a joyful day and I'm thankful, I AM STILL ALIVE today. =)

Holidays are approacing so as Mr Evil Exam is much sooner and 'lurking' just behind the corner... huhuhu

Kurap you Exam!!!!

Dedication to my Bao Bei

2010-06-10T14:36:00.000+08:00

A song I truly admire and am very much in love with the rhythm and lyrics. My heart beat

because of you and my life is All About You... =)

Mmmuackssssss!

Ish.... Exam fever

2010-06-09T14:21:00.000+08:00

As my first semester into Swinburne is near approaching coming to an end, I have plenty to write about it when it actually happens. Memories I want to keep and some just wanna throw it into the Kuching sea. I'm sleepy as I write this blog largely due to lack of sleep I've been having. Well, to the point, EXAM!!!!!!!

Holy shit! So much to revise and have less than 3 weeks to do it. God save me! I'm not the only one with this exam fever as Bao Bei is studying very hard for her upcoming SPM. Really praying that she does very well and hopefully she can study here in Kuching with me. I need her here and I'm ready to give her all the support she needs. FTW People! IT Assignment....huhuhu... belum start lagi pulak and 1000 word English argumentative essay belum siap juga! Brainstorm!!!!!! >.<

And yes, before I forget, Happy Birthday to dear Stephanie!!! 18 years and going strong! Thanks for the awesome party last night! Thoroughly enjoyed it!

Love the cake!!! Moisty chocolate..... hehehe

Quote of the Day

2010-06-08T11:18:00.001+08:00

"I cannot do all the good that the world needs, But the world needs all the good that I can do"

- Jana Stanfield

Gotta Love It.

Friends I Treasure =)

2010-06-08T03:25:00.000+08:00

Past few weeks, I've been able to live through the hardships of University life. I couldn't have done it by myself because I had found some friends who really made me feel comfortable and do make me feel that I belong with them here in Swinburne. There are still questions to myself of whether I fit in perfectly or not. I still wonder but when I'm around with them, that question ticks off and I just prefer to enjoy hanging out with them. I decided to give my Swinburne life a second chance. :)

Pamela Dayne Philip aka Pammy. Never knew each other or got close from the beginning of the MPW semester but now she has made her root in my mind and heart. She's always been there when I had problems or needed help with for my studies or just about anything. Very jolly, happy go lucky, doesn't like swearing words and always doing her PFP (Pamela Finger Pose) whenever she wants something or just about anything! She's a friend that I can trust and have fun whenever she's around. Pammy, to describe you in one word, it'd be RELIABLE

Pammy with her PFP

Eshan Shafeeq. Young, childish, beat-boxer, and parkour sin-sei. The boy who inspired me to do break-dancing, handstands and Parkour together with Richard. Though he acts very childish on MANY occasion, he cracks up jokes and always cheers up the spirit and mood of the gang. I love having him around and probably one of the most exciting person I've met. He's also gave me the chance to play the drum. Thought me a lot about drums and I'm slowly getting the hang of it. he keeps encouraging me even though I feel like what I'm doing is silly and feeling like a complete idiot. =D Eshan, to describe you in one word, it'd be ENTHUSIASTIC. ;]

Richard with all sorts of weird last names. =D Probably one of my closest guy friends I have. We share many problems with each other and just spend a lot of time doing parkour and getting injured! Hahaha. Smart boys who when I have doubts on any subject, he's the one I go hunting for answers. His willingness to hep out with anything motivates me a lot and I find him as my example. Okay, maybe not that but someone I look up to as well as a friend. Richard, to describe you in one word, it'd be ADMIRABLE. ;]

Love you all and best mates for life!!! ;]

Good for Nothing?

2010-06-05T00:46:00.000+08:00

I've seen people doing their own thing or showing off their talent. I do envy them cos I can't do it but what bothers me is that I can't do anything that people find 'amazing' or make people go 'WOW!!!, That's something!' I unfortunately do not have any. I do not know how to play the guitar, consistent playing my favourite instruments like the drum or piano, can't juggle a football or good in any sport, can't do a proper handstands or jump up walls or trees, disappointing in DoTA, and what more keeping and holding on to a close friends and lasting friendships and I just live to satisfy people's wants and get taken advantage of. That's what I'm good at I guess. Failed to make it to any football team cos I am just f****** crap in making into any teams.

Maybe I should blame myself for not being able to do all that but who cares? I ahve nothing to show the world what I am made of cos I really don't know what I'm good at. Passion for music, but sadly can't sing right or make music. What the hell am I made of then? Scrap my best guess.

I don't know why but I hate myself more and more each day and shower more love towards my bao bei. Is that right? I have no self-respect for myself and if given the opportunity, I won't hesitate to sleep in mud or a pig-swamp. Worthless.

Nothing Much Has Changed...

2010-06-02T01:09:00.000+08:00

Here I am blogging about my dammed problems again, pathetic isn't it? Maybe my blog is all about my pain and sorrow. Is this what blogging is all about??? The feeling I've been having past few months is still there and never leaving me alone. Jealousy, hopelessness, degrading of myself too often... What am I supposed to do???

Weeks have past and still I have not felt the feeling of not belonged here yet. Feeling of unliked, unwanted, hatred towards me and any other negative feeling one can think of. Friends who never really cared except for Bao Bei, Sita and maybe Vonny. No one else seem to know what goes on in my messed up brain of mine. Yea, I'm a worthless specimen and just a waste of time. I just make people laugh like a clown, do whatever I'm asked to do, living life in hope tomorow never has to come. A clown, comedian, puppet to play with and no self-respect whatsoever. I wanted to end but as days goes on, I lose faith in myself. Always my mind telling me that I am walking an endless deserted road. Brain, maybe I agree with you on that.

Jealousy, ah, it circles around me. Walking along the street, look-around in Swinburne Campus, hanging out with friends who have their soulmate. They're everywhere. Ienvy you all and honestly, it dampens my mood a lot. I wished for Bao Bei to be here cos she is the cure for any sickness to me. I need her here... I'd do whatever it takes to bring her here cos I just can't stand seeing others happily holding hands. playing with each other, hugging each other, cuddling and most of all watching them together kills me. Haiz... I NEED her... That's all I want at the moment in life...

Sears, get a life, a proper one.
Sorry, its impossible......

Friends I Miss Too Damm Much

2010-06-01T00:49:00.000+08:00

This feeling... haiz. I just am dying to meet her. Our relationship has gone nearly half a year since this everlasting relationship. Hard to believe that we have not actually meet or touched each other but without doubt, she touched my heart more than anyone else have done. I just damm miss her now...

Kuching and university life is difficult without her. Whenever I have problems with studies, relationship problems with friends, stressed or just pissed, I need her. No one else here is willing enough to do that cos they are just not bothered, or busy entertaining their peers or partner. I ust don't know why but I really miss her so damm much. She cares for me, loves me, concern for me 24/7 but being so far away, its hard to keep communication as her presence will no doubt make me feel better. Bao bei, wo hen xiang nian ni......

Another friend who I really cherish since the day we met is Sita Krishnan. Another long distant friend who I admire and find a lot common with. We face the same problems a lot and although she's much further away in Thailand. Chatting with her last whole night, we shared about everything and blurted everything that struck into our mind. I miss her... ;( And I hope things will get better if I can make it to Thailand and give her a bear hug cos she's one of the very few friends who I cherish so much in our friendship.... On her birthday, suprised her by calling all the way to wish her. It felt really good listening to her voice... That was how much I miss my Bangkok bestie... huhuhu...

Bao bei, you know how much I love you and you mean the world to me. My friends, family, relatives and cousins. I miss everyone too much I could cry thinking of all the memories we had...

I hesitate...

2010-05-28T21:57:00.000+08:00

I don't want to mention names or what you did to me, I'm just pouring out what the truth really is. You want that something I give it. Why? Because I care. I do hesitate a lot because whenever you guys or girls ask for it, I unselfishly hand it to you. Why do I hesitate??? Its cause you all only come looking for me when you need that thing. How do you suppose I should think? You're all taking advantage of me. Coming to me asking sweetly and with high hopes asking me if you can borrow that thing. Di you know, by borrowing it to you, I place all my trust I can have in you all? It worries me A LOT cause if anything happens, the slighest mistake, I am in deep waters (deepest trouble I could ever imagine). Friends you are to me. But I wonder, if I did not have that thing, would you still be friends with me? Or just 'oh, he doesnt have it anymore so don't bother him, he's useless to us without it.'

Explain...

Laziness for blogging

2010-05-26T16:18:00.000+08:00

Aiks! I know its been a long while since I last updated my blog. Well, largely due to laziness when I'm free or just too busy with other work. Just to update on my status, I'm doing fine, cousins from KL Natasha & Nadia are in town and leaving tomorow night, CP Gang still cheerful as always and passport issue resolved! Hallelujah!

My cousins are talking into me re-activating my facebook account cos its too happening and if they want to contact me it'll be much easier. I'm still thinking about that though... Any comments? :P

Bao bei is having her mid-term exams and she's studying a lot at the moment but still she finds time for me. Wishing her luck and all the best! I'll pray for you BB!!!! ;)

Peace Out!

Happy Moment of the month

2010-05-20T23:27:00.000+08:00

Well, today I seemed to be more happier and in a better mood today. Hmm... Maybe it was because I prayed hard last night? It might have worked! =]

Actually it was many thanks to my surprise call from Dad in Qatar. I was very much surprised! He called and hsi voice definitely gave me some very inspiring advice about my problems. Asked me if my money is alright and I honestly told him I have insufficient. He told me that he'd try to give me extra. Now I am $0!! X( I gotta manage harder next time. >.<

Anyways, tomorow's the bug day for my favorite gang as they will be performing tomorow for Swinburne Got Talent competition! Best of luck tomorow and I'll be supporting you guys all the way!!!! Do support them as they strive to win this tough competition!!! Pammy, Eshan & Marvin go go go!!!

;]

Big L on the forehead

2010-05-19T18:20:00.000+08:00

As I sit here at the English Lesson, crazily I'm posting something on my blog. I'm just awkward. I look across the roam and my peers cracking jokes like there's no tomorow. I can't laugh after what's been going on especially through the English Magazine. I just can't. Throw any jokes at me and I am unmoved. Weird isn't it? The sense of anger and disappointment still hangs over across my heart. It just isn't fair. I was told to put it as the past and leave it behind. But now it's like I have no emotions at all. I'm boring, yes I am. Don't deny that. I can't make myself happy, content with life, especially with all those friendship problem that has been revolving around my mind 24/7.

I'm a loser

Anyone ask me am I alright, of course the hell I'm not. You ask me stupid question, I'll give you stupid answer. That's that...

Destination? Loner

2010-05-19T00:28:00.001+08:00

I guess that's the end of my social life. I have done all I can to show everyone that I care for them but sometimes 'the tree you want to grow, can at times fail and disappoint you' I given up after a long 'battle' to win back my friends like many of you know who I don't want to say here. Rarely asked out for lunch or even dinner often, not told of any happenings of like hangout, watching a movie or asked for anything that often. I do not belong or make my stamp on the group so there's no point chasing a hopeless dream when I'd only make myself feel worse. I feel that I care for everyone in my life too much to be even bothered or thought of. Other than Khimmy, I don't expect everyone to think of me or popular... I'm not rich so I'm sorry, don't feel much more superior as I have to manage with a limited budget...

I just never got the feeling of being in somewhere I belong. I speak Chinese, so what? I'm still not Chinese enough. I speak Malay, so what? I'm not Malay enough. I'm a New Zealand, Chinese Malaysian, born in China, never been to New Zealand either, stayed at 5 different places in a span of my 17 year old life. WTF...I don't blame my parents for this, I blame myself. I never knew that when I cared for people too much, I am taken advantage of. Mummy told me this before I started college: "There will be people who will take advantage of what you do for them and what you have, be careful." I took note of that but never knew how serious it could turn out to be for me.

The only few people who did show that they care about me and gave me hope are Khimmy as always my number one, Ivonne my bestie, Lydia Hailie & Angela for asking me for dinner or asked how am I at times ( I appreciate it very much), my aunty Tahereh and obviously my family especially my sis...I miss home and you all so very much. I miss KL and if I have the chance, I will definitely move there to study where the friends I had close relations can continue form where I left off and meet Khimmy. I wouldn't have made it through Uni life without you my darling. If it weren't for you, I really dont know what crazy and stupid thing I'll do to myself.

I need to know where do I belong....Somewhere I Must Belong...
I want study in KL.... T.T

Sometimes change is most important

2010-05-18T11:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, in life, you need to take a step back and rethink what life has been all about. I took that big step backwards. Come to think of it, I dont really know whether its a front step I'm making or the backstep. Either ways, I have confident in what I'm doing. I have deactivated my facebook account. Honestly, it wasn't all that very difficult but I'm finally letting go my only place for socializing and entertainment. Why did I do that? Am I stupid?

No I'm not, I'm doing this mainly its for the better of my studies. I didn't do so satisfactory in my EMA and not expecting so much for Physics either. I know what's best and I believe I'm doing it right. Not only am I quitting facebook, I'm stopping my MSN as well BUT keeping my Skype open for multiple reasons. MSN is like my second Facebook so yeah, better stay away from it for the moment. Do add me on Skype if you wanna chat or even webcam with me! =)

Godbye to my Lv 28 Hotel City, Lv 44 Restaurant City, Friends for Sale, Lv130 something Mafia Wars etc etc which I'll miss... =( I couldnt resist not looking into you all every hour! LOL But it ends here and last night. Hopefully and pray I'll make it through perfectly alright. Haha...

Peace out and my email is searsfm@hotmail.com if you forgot or wanna add me on Skype!!!

Aaargh!

2010-05-12T20:35:00.000+08:00

Study mood now... DO NOT DISTURB!!!!
In addition to that, no inspiration to blog now. lol. Hopefully after tomorow's head-cracking exam, and HOPEFULLY it'll be easy for me, Ill blog about something nice. ^.^

To all those who will be sitting for tomorow's Engineering Maths, GOOD LUCK!!! DON'T DIE!!! =D

Exam fever rushing in!

2010-05-11T12:29:00.000+08:00

As I sit down here at the MPH Student Lounge, The gloomy faces of people with their head in their books. I am not an exception but concentrating on my studies is tough enough for me with so many issues going on in my life! >.<

Engineering Maths Mid-term is on Thursday whereas Physics on Friday. Pamela, Richard help me!!!!!! I better get back to my work! =]

Love you bao bei Khimmy! ;]

Can't stop...

2010-05-10T17:11:00.000+08:00

Do I really think too much? I dont just think of random things, I think of issues that affect me personally and my surroundings. Not a whole load of nonsense thoughts in my mind. Ive played this game within myself since the beginning of the year and it was my New Tear Resolution to do well in my studies, have close relations with friends and strong bonds with ones I love and care very much. There was my own imaginary list of who is in the list and not surprisingly, Most of them I know are on the 'I Care' list. Unfortunately, I'm afraid I care too much for them. Without any hesitations to ignore their requests on most occasion, willingness to assist and help them out whenever possible. I enjoyed it a lot by doing all this.

Unfortunately, not everything my way as time passed by. People start to take advantage of your willingness to help and sometimes you don't get back what you deserve. I don't expect anything in return for what I did for them but at least a show of appreciation or something like that. You know the kind of feeling you get when you do so much for someone and not getting some sort of appreciation? That's it. I may be complaining here but my reasons are valid enough I hope...

I just need help, support and some way of 'escape'. I don't wanna escape from this problem but what other choice do I have??? Help me...... anyone who cares so much...Khimmy darling, you're special and I know you're always there for me but its bcos of distance I'm finding a friend. Not a partner. :)

Darkest Hours... ='(

2010-05-10T01:38:00.000+08:00

Lucky oh Lucky. If God gave me a wish right now, I will not ask for money, nor even pretty girls at my side but you. Lucky, You have not wandered off my mind. Not one day you're off my mind. The impact you had on me was too powerful for me to hold back tears writing this post or you. I believe its my forth post for you. I am insanely in love with you. More than any girl could make me fall in love with her. You melt my heart everytime you look me in the eye, lifting up your paw to show how sorry you are. I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! T.T

God hope You know how much she is loved by me and send her back to me. I dont want any other dogs cos YOU ARE MY ONLY ONE.... T.T Tears flowing down my cheeks uncontrollably. Please God, I need her, life isnt perfect without her by my side. She holds my biggest strength. I LOVE YOU LUCKY, LOVE YOU SO MUCH... Take me to her, please....

You took her away so cruelly and I can't accept this and plus there wasn't any judgement on those who took her life away in the worst circumstances. She did many wrong things but I still need her back. My reasons could go on forever but please....I need a place of solace..please help me.....

PUPPY LOOK...... ='(

LOOK INTO HER EYES AND SEE IF YOUR HEART MELTS.......I LOVE YOU LUCKY DEAR.....

Need you back....Seriously

2010-05-05T22:47:00.000+08:00

I think a lot. I can't stop this really. Please everyone stop telling me that I am thinking too much. My mind's like that 24/7. Believe it or not, even in my sleep, I review or think of what probably might happen in the future. That's why I get a lot of deja-vu's...

Putting that aside, I would like to apologize to this one person who I had the closest friendship here at Swinburne. Personally, its very hard to take in and absorb to the core of my heart how much rejection you have for me. I really treasure our friendship to the maximum and would never ever do anything to cause any sort of disruption to it. I also would like to apologize to him for what I said in my previous post. I didn't mean to hurt you as I was just trying to let my feelings out. You're the closest friend I have here in this university. Did everything together, studied together, joked together, go to class together, I thought we were inseparable but now I really hope when you read this, I don't expect you to do anything but understand how much I treasure you in my life. I need you (that sounded wrong speaking about a guy but what the heck)... Every time you don't reply me, ignore or not even look at me, my heart cracks and deep within me, I tell myself that I only have myself to blame. I really have no clue what I should do as you don't want to speak to me or reply my sms...I just want you to know that I'm ready for you and hope we'll be back to the ways we were before.
I treasure friendship a lot....I don't like to be hated by people or hating people. That's all

Here's a song I'd like to share with you and hope the lyrics mean something to you... :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9Nc0FAk74c

I'll be there for you always FKH...

Bringing Sears to Tears

2010-04-22T20:46:00.000+08:00

Hard to imagine that I'm writing my first post while in tears...I don't want to go around blaming people, I just want to speak what have been kept in my heart all this while which is for many many years. It didn't happen JUST or the very first time here...

My life have been 'plagued' by many societies. Societies I thought I'd never fit in or blend in. Moving from countries to countries, states to states. Never had a place where I'd stay there from the moment I was born or something like that. Had friends that I 'lived' with from young till now or maybe by the least friends from High School or Primary and going on the friendship from there..Had 4 best friends when I was in primary schooling in Puchong, moved on to High School and eventually lost contact with all 4 of them. I thought life was like that meaning we all have to move on with what we have in the present, not the past. Made a good friend there in High School and had my first girlfriend. UNFORTUNATELY, it only lasted less than 3 months as I had to once again travel and move to another country. This affected me very much as I was leaving behind everything I wanted and had to start fresh and new. I was hoping for a good start and I go what I wanted. Made new friends there in my International Cambridge School. But sadly, the similar thing that happened to me now happened in the past for the very first time there. I made friends with newcomers and slowly as time flies, they slowly push you aside and many at times forgetting that I even existed. Same happened there with 3 newcomers; befriend them and after a few weeks, they find their own group of mates and rarely talk to me or even ask me to go out with them. I spend most of my weekends warming my ass on the chair studying or gaming all by myself. That was when I first started to feel left out and this kind of feeling progressed along with me for 3 years while staying there. had a close friend there and could at times share many things and issue with him. Into my third and final year there, disaster struck. I became the talking point of the school.

Some people thought it would be fun to create a girl profile on facebook and flirt with me. Things got serious and out of hand when I didn't know it was all a fraud and I fell for it badly. I swore to everyone telling them that she's real and in the end only to find out that it was all a fake. I couldn't contain my anger and reached my boiling point on many occasions. Bringing out a fight was almost. ALMOST but thank God for my friend who helped me to get it all sorted out and cleared. But obviously, this kind of thing my peers throughout the year would occasionally bring out this topic and make me boil over. It was a whole year round madness. That year also I tried to make it for the football team for the school but failed...My morale couldn't have gone any lower.

The nightmarish hell ended when I decided to move back to Malaysia to further my studies. It was my perfect escape. Applied to Taylors College and got accepted. Why I chose there? Because of some girl I've been together with for a long time. Why I left and withdrew from the College? The same damned girl decided to move on as I wasn't good enough for her. I was in anger mood for months seriously. This was all in November and December. I was very frustrated and in the end I decided I want to start fresh and new in my life. New place, new friends, new University, new relationships. In January I got that. I was over the moon. I changed my inner self from a lonely and boring guy to someone I never thought I would become. I was hyper, crazy to do anything anyone wants me to do, friendly and loved to have loads of fun.

What happen to that Sears I was? I can't understand myself and all my life I longed to have best friends and close friends who we'd do anything together and share everything together. I dont want that. I NEED that. My life was too messed up and facing many crossroads at the moment. Im sorry to make all the readers and my status on facebook. I was too upset with many things to even be conscious with myself. Sincere apologies. I hope none of you will not take it too personally. I love you all but just that now is a time for myself to think hard and try to relax. I also hope you won;t hate me for anything I said here...... ='[

What happened to 'family' or 'close friend'?

2010-04-21T13:24:00.000+08:00

I know that it's been a while since I last updated my blog but tis time I really feel the need to let out this cry of despair and disappointment......

Since the beginning of the new semester, I found myself going down many people's rank in terms of friendship. Why? I can't understand. Is it maybe because I'm invincible? Or just too stupid or unwanted to go hangout with you guys. Going out for lunch, I ALWAYS and I remember this because its never happened that you guys ask me out to lunch or 'makan angin'. I have to ask. You know how it feels to always ask people and inside the crumbling heart of mine, I ask myself, why don't they ask me out for once. Is it because I do not belong here? I do not belong with you guys?; not qualified enough to join your 'gang'? I just can't understand...I threw you your biggest surprise birthday party, took you guys to the airport when I didnt want you guys to waste money by taking a cab but sacrificing my petrol to bond with you guys... Why are you all treating me like this???

Lately, I also had this feeling of being taken an advantage of. Just because I have a car, you all start to ask me if I can help to take you guys here lah, there lah, need to go and buy this and that lah... How can I say no?!?! It would be out of respect to tell them right in their face that I dont want to. I was hoping by taking them here and there could help build up friendship, but instead, I find myself on the wrong end of my idea. They slowly start to 'walk' away from me. Literaly.

I'm not trying to complain about how my life in friendship sucks but I'm just concerned on why I am treated like this. This blog of mine is the only place where I can express my thoughts and not too public by publishing this on facebook and tagging people. I dont want that. I just want a solution because my friendly heart could one day be polluted with one single evil drop of ink. I don't want that myself and I hope you wont too......

Whether you read my blog or not, or anyone read my blog, It makes no difference to me if you just read it...If you don't like me, just tell me right in the face. It less hurts me that way because I've been told like that many times. Thank you

SCREAM IT OUT!!!!

2010-03-12T14:03:00.000+08:00

Right after the photo session in campus, it didnt stop cos after that, we went karaoke and continued our camera snapping onslaught! :D
Damm! did we scream our lungs out! The moment we ended, we could barely hear each other and yeah we were in a complete daze after 4 hours long of singing n dancing! Ahhahaha...yes we did dance on the couch according to the beat of the song. I'll let the pics do the talking. :)

Till came a time when Macarena was played and everyone joined in! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

These two 'maniacs' started to imagine they're playing the guitar when the others were singing Chinese songs. LOL!!!

On the couch..... lol

Guess what song was playing? LOW LOW LOW LOW Low......... XD
We were all in the groove!

Errr....yeah....somethings wrong wif me..... xD

The party dudes!!!

The gang very geng! hehe..... XD
Best hangout n karaoke too! :D
One more time soon!!!!!

Perfect ending to a new beginning ;]

2010-03-12T13:03:00.000+08:00

;]

I guess its really the end of our first semester...Nothing to be down about that because find that these pst 2-3months was worth the look again. So much had happened in such a small period of time. Making new friends, creating close bonds, unwanted moments that friends went through together, suffered as a team in ASSignments and so many more! But obviously, I gotta admit that its been the most exciting 2 months I had ;]

The semester kicked off with most of our mates of Lucky 7 pretty much seperated for most classes like Henry with Yee Juin & Mei Huey in one class for MS n Moral, Kit How by himself, Angie, Ivonne with me for Moral. But that did not kept us from hanging out and meeting each other to discuss about all kinds of matters. =] Life went on pretty smoothly and obviously, what is life without its bumpy moments? Issues amongst friends slowly raised and eventually led to huge complications. "I Hate You; You Hate Me" "I Love You but you don't love me" especially but these did not happen to me. I'm not that kind of guy who does all these nonsense and crappy rants.

Anyways, Ive begun to love my life once again...The feeling I first lost since Juin ended everything we ever had. I didnt appreciate anything, friend's a lot too. Confidence n hope seemed to have got lost. Thanks to these friends I found myself changing a lot more form my old previous self. I first realized this change when it was Orientation Night 2010. I wasn't the party and crazy type of guy. Believe it or not, I was VERY silent. VERY. Hardly mixed around and chatting and all. Wasn't into those. I couldnt figure out why. But what the heck, I have found what is called 'LIFE'. I'm loving every bit and moment of it and I intend to keep it this way. MY WAY

Pictures Session! ;]

Angie + Ivonne + Fiona

Henry + Adam + Me (shhh...dont tell his bf!) xD

Me + Louis + (Henry popping in)

Stephie (our snapshot lover) :D

Another one, here is Pamela! :D

Another crazy but cool friend Sean and Me. ;]

Me + the tallest student in Swinburne, AHMADOU!!! ;]

Audrey + Ahmadou + Henry + Louis
hahaha...closer look at Madou please.....lol

=.=! Guess everyone was looking at different cameras at the same time! LOL!!! This is practically our common gang around campus. hehehehe
LOVE ALL U GUYZ!!!! ;]

MY LOVE 4EVA........................

2010-03-08T13:43:00.000+08:00

My Life,
My Future,
My Guidance,
My Driving Force,
My Confidence,
My Passion,
My Heart & Soul,
My Emotions,
My Desires,
My World,
My Dignity,
My Body
but of all these,

My Love

is all directed to my sweetheart

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥Khimmy♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Happy 17th Birthday Khimmy honey.... ;]
A Special Poem dedicated to you on this special day:

Hey, birthday love, I think of you
On days both dark and sunny.
You bring me joy in every thought,
My precious, loving honey! So be my love for all our lives,
And I’ll be your love, too;
Each birthday is another chance
To say, "I love just you!"

How much I wish to be with you on this day, but no matter the distance is between us, love has no limits neither does it have distance. When there's love, Nothing Else Matters ^^

*Muacks*

@.@ moments....

2010-03-04T21:35:00.001+08:00

I seriously need to update my blog since its the end of the most exciting month Febuary with so much to blog about but lifting my fingers up to type these out is so difficult! Past 2 weeks of hard & intense football training and getting myself injured in the process wasn't great help either but thanks to a surprise gift from my sweetheart made it all better now. ;]

Ill try to find time to blog about all the happenings in my life as soon as possible guys! Sorry but I promise, By next week, I shall all be right here with everything you wanna hear about the juicy events and "gossip". Hehehe...Okay, maybe not that gossip stuff but FACTS!!! =D

Peace out guys!

Valentines Day Special Dedication

2010-02-15T00:09:00.001+08:00

Honestly all my life, I have never celebrated this special occasion with anyone to commemorate this event with. This year I was at the receiving end of the most weirdest but creative thinking Valentines Day. The moment the clock struck 12 midnight on Valentines Day, my phone was the only thing was that was closest to me. The girl on the other side of the phone was the first person I spoke to on Chinese New Year, Valentines Day and 2010 New Year, Khimmy Geuan. Though the distance between us is too far to meet or go on a date, we need something much more special.

It all started with both of us waking up quite late in the morning. Talked the moment we woke up and went online. We attempted to go online and have our first webcam chat. Ultimate failure on MSN! >.< Went all around finding a way and then the idea struck me! SKYPE!!!!! :D Was pretty excited and immediately both of us downloaded and installed Skype and created our account together. It was fun waiting for her when suddenly she popped out online! And yes, I was jumping with joy as a matter of fact.... hahahaha We chatted for some time, and then we hit the button "Video Call". Eagerness and excitement filled the air and unfortunately, the webcam of hers failed to respond. But that wasn't gonna bring down my hope. Tried and attempted a couple of times. We could hear each other but not see each other yet. after several tries, SUCCESS!!!! :D That was the first time we saw each other in movement! =] The feeling I got was like adrenaline flowing all around my blood, chills (in a good way), joyfulness right to the max etc etc.....We did crazy stuff but obviously, as always, girl's always shy shy firt time....hahaha....I was too happy to even be shy and started to show off loh.....XP That joy while chatting with her looking at her wasn't long as her webcam crashed again. We tried again later but couldn't sadly. But the feeling both of us got by looking at eavh other is truly a moment to behold and remember. On Valentines Day, instead of physically being with her, we did it the technological way. LOL!
Guess we have a love story to tell our kids in future.....hahaha!!!
Anyways, CNY photos and blog to be posted as soon as CNY ends! Expect Great Pics!!! ;D The pics she made specially for Valentines Day :)

Love you so much hun.......whatever ou did for me, its the thought that counts always to me. :) Happy Valentines Day to all lovebirds out there and a very Happy Chinese New Year to everyone! 2010 is going strong!!!!! :D

Beginning without an End.............

2010-01-23T11:45:00.000+08:00

It’s been two weeks since University life started and honestly coming from a freshie, I had been enjoying my life like never before! This was the chance for me to start a new life in a totally new environment, make new friends and obviously build up my relationship with many people. This post is dedicated to all those who are important to me in starting this new lease of life which I am having with.

My Number One partner in crime is Ivonne Sim Shing Yee. She is truly one heck of a friend for me. We became friends maybe because of my cracking jokes during the Orientation and also we’re in the same class for Moral. When I was feeling lonely and in need to speak or company in campus, she’d be ready to come and support me and help me through these crazy times. We joke a lot, do assignments together and even help me out in my relationship with Khimmy. :) Ivonne is so special up to the point of her being Khimmy’s ‘sister’. This wasn’t much of a shock to me because we share the same thoughts and ideas. I appreciate everything she has done for me and I’ll be ready to do the same for you Ivonne! I know this is just the beginning of a truly cherish-able friendship, but hope there won’t be an ending!!! Although we’ll be doing different courses from March onwards, I hope our will be best buds as long as we know each other.

The next person I find myself building close bond with is Fong Kit How aka Kitty/Hamster/KT. Apparently, he was actually the first person I spoke to on the first day of Swinburne during Orientation Registration. We knew no one else and somehow managed to strike a conversation. During Orientation ice-breaking session, I was quite privileged to fall in the same group as him. I still remember the time when they were playing the Macarena music and the facilitator asked all of us to dance. Everyone was quite shy but then KT, Henry and me started the ‘chain-reaction’. We got up and were the very first few to get into the dance. That was when we started to do many crazy things together. Just like me, we do joke and fool around a lot especially with the girl KT! Quite an entertainer and good company too. I don’t think I’ll ever get bored with him! Hahaha… Hope we can keep this friendship running throughout our university life! :)

Next person is quite important to me too. Henry Chiang aka Ah Siang/ Mr. Elephant. The leader of our L7 group. Great leadership, awesome friend and a friend that won’t leave anyone behind throughout whatever situation. He’s probably the first person I shared many personal things like my relationships and life history. Hope it wasn’t boring! Haha….Anyway, though we hangout less often these days, I really hope we could just go out, chit chat and have a guy close friend which I never had because all my close friends seems to be girls! For once, having a guy who can share many things could be beneficial to me most probably. :)

The following person I’d like to speak out about is the person I feel that we became from because I teased her a lot. This might be wrong to start off but hope she understands that my jokes n teases are just a way to make friends sometimes. J Angie Then aka ‘8 po queen’ Come to think of it now, I can’t remember how did she get that prestigious title and everyone seem to call her by that too previously. LOL! She and Ivonne are close so that makes me somewhere in between. Same classes in Moral Studies only but also hope to maintain our friendship as long as possible! :)

The rest of the people I’d like to dedicate too are Louis Yong, Yi Jun, Nazrin, Firuz, Ahmadu, Imalka, ‘Ashburn’, Stephanie, Pamela, Mei Huey, Aisya, Stanley, Che Rin, Ida, Gregorius, Selly, Nicholas and many many more!!!! Friends for life guys!!!! :D

Our gang's first hangout. =]

Aisya with her balloon on Orientation Day...

The guys. Adam, Imalka at the far left and far right....

Mates for Life People!! :)

Hmmmm.....

2010-01-14T16:23:00.000+08:00

I dont know why but for the past couple of days, the memories seem to bring back all my memories of my dearly beloved angel, Lucky...I really missed her. At times during the nights, I say a prayer specially for her, asking God, 'How is my darling doing?' 'Is she alright?', and this eventually bring me to tears...I really really wish she was still alive and here bringing joy and happiness to the family. Ever since she departed from this world, I found life a bit more of a struggle, at times too questioned God's plans. I just want her back.... But it doesnt seem to be that there is any chance of her coming back. But I know one thing for sure, she will always remain in my heart for as long as I live and the best companion to me.

Why oh why did she go? I wanted justice to be served to those who took her life away but I guess that's not in God's plan list for me. Since her death, certain things happened to me that never happened to me before she came...My family's bond loosened up, I lost faith in doing many things especially playing with balls..If anyone knew her well enough, they'd understand how this bond meant to me. Though she doesnt speak, I tell her many things and just by looking into her eyes, my heart would melt and dissolving away all my pain and difficulties. She's my best friend. Weird huh? Yea......

Note to God: You took her away but you can never take away our relationship!!!
Will post a poem about her soon.....Love you Lucky......

Start of a very beautiful relationship

2010-01-04T19:11:00.000+08:00

I have to admit. Didn't think I'd fall in love so quickly with her... But my heart indeed surprised me wif what it told me. How can I not love her? There is no definite answer to that. But she was an answer sent by God to me. I questioned the power of love, the use of it, and even its existance. This relationship will be like a test for me. It wasn't easy to decide. But here we are as couples. Physical distance won't damper our relationship nor our love. Its strong and we both do wish it'll go on forever. NO words can describe how I am feeling right now. My hands tremble to even write a poem...I hope this song that means a lot to us tells you how I feel.

Westlife - I Lay My Love On You

Just a smile and the rain is gone
Can hardly believe it (yeah)
There's an angel standing next to me
Reaching for my heart

Just a smile and there's no way back
Can hardly believe it (yeah)
But there's an angel, she's calling me
Reaching for my heart

I know, that I'll be ok now
This time it's real

I lay my love on you
It's all I wanna do
Everytime I breathe I feel brand new
You open up my heart
Show me all your love, and walk right through
As I lay my love on you

I was lost in a lonely place
Could hardly even believe it (yeah)
Holding on to yesterdays
Far, far too long

Now I believe its ok cause this time it's real

I lay my love on you
It's all I wanna do
Everytime I breathe I feel brand new
You open up my heart
Show me all your love, and walk right through
As I lay my love on you

I never knew that love could fell soo good

Like once in a lifetime
You change my world

I lay my love on you
You make me feel brand new
Show me all your love, and walk right through
As I lay my love on you

I lay my love on you
It's all I wanna do
Everytime I breathe I feel brand new
You open up my heart
Show me all your love, and walk right through
As I lay my love on you

I lay my love on you
You make me feel brand new
You open up my heart
Show me all your love, and walk right through
As I lay my love on you

As I lay my love on you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love you so much dear......You'll never regret in the future... :)

Drum or Piano!!!!

2010-01-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

Piano......
Or.......
Drum?

Piano cos I can play any song with cover like seen on youtube and drums cos not many ppl play it, and its an important key in forming a band...

I think piano???? hehe :)

2010

2010-01-02T16:20:00.000+08:00

Its been months since I last even came to my blog and I'm back! A lot has happened since my last post and it'll take some time to write about everything. But most important for me at the moment is the start of something new. New Year, new life, new friends and new bonds created. Over the past few days, I found my greatest escape form the world of lies, stress, disappointment and anger. She isnt like any girl or person Ive ever met. She was like the angel that God sent specially for me. Her name is Cammely Khim. Many of you may not know her but I'd give her top award for helping the needy! lol

She's sweet, adorable, cute, lovable and fun to be with. Although she's just 16, her understanding of me is crazy! She sees right through my heart, we share our feelings, problems, issues in life, generally everything! In just 1 week, we have developed this special love. Friendship love as we call it. Wrote 2 poems specially for her with a third soon to be published. ;) Whatever you did, it really touched my heart. We havent met but I promised you when I come down to KL, we're on for a date. :)

When I gave up on love, finding love and was crashing to the ground, she stood by me and gave me hope. No need for complicated quotes of words but chattin with her is fun, and on the 01/01/2010 00:00am, we had our first 15 min chat. It was indeed a day to remember for both of us. We talked about everything. Nonsense, crazy talk and make each other laugh. Really looking forward to chatting with u again. Sadly this year is her most important year of her life as she will be gunning for SPM glory.

I wish I could write more but later you feel even more perasan!! XD

You are my inspiration
having you in my life
revived my sleeping devotion
You are indeed a special someone

Loving you gives me hope
to free this misery that I coped
in those times I gave up
You came and I stood up

Never will I forget
how you always cheer me up
every time I’m sad
and for that I’m glad

Whenever I’m lonely
You were there for me
keeping my heart alive
with your every smile

I dedicate this poem to you
to show how much you meant
to me I'd sacrifice my life for you
My special someone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I awake each day with a smile
And greet it with a laugh;
The world is a treasure to me
Because of you.

Every time I think of something sad,
I replace the thought- with you!
My mind is instantly changed
And my heart is filled with gladness.

Every breath I take is meant for you,
I live this life surrounded in joy
And I bathe in the promise of your love,
My soul belongs to you.

Each time I see something beautiful
I want to take it and bring it to you;
My life has so much meaning now
All because of you.

Love you so much!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ =)
MY GORGEOUS AWESOME FRIEND : CAMMELY KHIMMY :)

Poems

2009-11-02T13:42:00.000+08:00

I sit alone every night remembering how I held you tight
I remember everything we do, hoping you remember too
I remember when I asked you out
Hoping you would think about
All the nice things I have done
Letting the right decision come
I waited just a couple days, then you took my breath away
You said yes, I couldn’t believe that you actually accepted me
Even though I’m not really hot
You took me in when other girls would not
I thought my eyes were deceiving me
How could I be going out with a beauty queen
Her eyes of blue her hair of brown the most beautiful thing around
I love you like crazy I hope you can see how much love I have in me
I try my best to make you see that I love you endlessly
Every time you are near me I hope you feel the same love for me
I know I call you every hour of every day just to see if you’re ok
I know I can’t make you love me the same
Just let me love you that way
So beloved dear this poem is true, I’m madly in love with you

The sparkle in your eye,
The warmth of your skin.
Your breath on my neck,
That quivers within.

The touch of your hand,
The smell of your hair.
The kindness in your smile,
That strength in your stare.

Your kiss on my lips,
Your body near mine.
The stroke of your touch,
That feeling inside.

The sound of your voice,
Compassion in your embrace.
The serenity in your stride,
The power in your face.

The calming of your presence,
The beating of your heart.
The promise of tomorrow,
That we may never part.

The beauty of your kiss,
and that magic in your touch.
It is for all these reasons and more,
Why I love you so much.

The Real Deal

2009-10-30T18:33:00.000+08:00

I have travelled around places, moving here and there, met many people especially the Baha'i s. KL, Doha, Thailand and now at a pit stop in Kuching. My first thought of coming here was that I am here to rot and just being lazy. I just realized I was wrong. Kuching is a place infested with one of the most amazing youths I ever seen. These are the REAL DEAL! These are the youths that are doing their part in the phrase “Youths Can Move the World". They are the engines of the car in moving. Wonder what they do? You'll see...

Kuching youths are the ones to watch in the future. Their dedication is like no other, more than one's passion for a team he supports. Their love for the Faith is unbelievable, sacrifice and understanding. You may say that you also have that kind character but you are wrong. The Ibans are who I'm talking about. Have you ever hear that I would die in the love of God, Teach for the love of Baha'u'llah? Those are just words pouring out of the mouth. A lot of distractions such as parties, studies, friends, families and other commitments for us other youths The youths here have no need for all that to be living their life. They are prepared to dedicate all the time they can for The Faith. One of the youths here named Pamela who is currently studying accounts at a university, is being considered as one of the most active and dedicated youths in Malaysia. AGM’s here always recommend here for any youth gatherings and organizing events. This is the full use of human resources. She doesn’t have any complains or excuses when it comes to doing something for the Faith especially conducting JY classes, Children Classes, Teachings and even pioneering, They would sacrifice her weekends entirely just to go visit one of the small towns here. The place is called Stutong and is being considered as one of the biggest success from ‘door to door teachings’ in Kuching. Plenty of declarents and most of them are very much active in the Faith though they are the New Believers. This is greatly thanks to her and her youth group. This success has now given them the confidence to spread Baha’u’llah’s teachings to other parts of Sarawak. Even during their holiday break from university, they would spend 24/7 in learing more from the experienced, helping the LSA and continue conducting their JY Classes without failThese youths really amaze me.

These youths deserve the chance to go to the Holy Land to serve and I told them ‘God is proud of you guys’. Their response? ‘Its not enough’

Not to say that the other youths are slacking off but it’s a time when the Word of God needs to be spread to each person we know. These youths should be an inspiration and strive for excellence. Think of what unnecessary distractions are holding each of you back from doing what these young people are doing. What we are doing are just a small part but with a lil more dedication and passion for what we do, we can always do better just like they said.

Suprise birthday celebration for Patricia ( in brown) with the rest of the gang. Pamela is in black & purple shirt. :P

Genting!

2009-10-22T17:15:00.000+08:00

The reunion is gonna be a success!! Can't wait!!! Hope this helps to ease my pain of Lucky's loss....

Lucky

2009-10-20T16:22:00.000+08:00

I consider this my weakest part of me.

On the 16th December 2009, this day shall be remembered as the passing of a great animal. This is my second post about her. You can see how great she is to me in my second post when I started blogging. Not only I love her so much but she has touched the hearts of everyone she met. She melts in your eyes faster than ice, melts the heart like ice-cream and attraction higher than what a magnet could do. Lucky, our home pet was received with open arms into our family and she immediately became a part of our family. Our 5th member and will always be considered our best entertainer. I loved her like no one else. My father even said that she is like an angel sent to us by God.

What did she do that made her special? She didn't have to do stunts or tricks to show that. She was always acting herself, just like any other dog. She eats, sleep, trots around just like any other dog would do. But what really stood out to me was her 'teachings'. My family wasn't very close and had its shaky moments. Then came the idea of adopting a dog thanks to my dad. My mom didnt like the idea and even tried to talk us out of it. She came along and did wonders to us. Other families could see the effect of her arrival. Brought us closer and learned a lot. Forgiveness for example. How? Whenever she made a mistake like running out of the compound, chasing cats around etc, she would realise it and make her apologetic face expression and reaching out her paw asking for forgiveness. How could we not forgive her when anyone look into her eyes and melts the heart...

I can't have a better dog than Lucky. During my Finals, I was very stressed out at times but whenever I reach home from an exam, the sight of her brings the broadest of smiles to my face. Disappointment, stress, tiredness all release away within a sec. Relief and glad to see her. But now it all ended when I moved back to Malaysia to furthur my studies. Bid her farewell, and promised her that I would one day return to hold her in my arms again. Feelin guilty that I let go all my responsibilities. I loved my them like takin her out for walk, running next to me when she sees me on the run, playin fetch even when she is selfishly not wanting to give back the toy, feedin her at times and too many more things I loved doin with her. Her tail is the significant feature of hers. Though very short, her wagging tail when happiness flows in whenever she sees us. Her ear is the special part of her. Very delicate but beauty like no other. Watching her run at top speed, her ears will be jumping up and down like its wanting to fly...

What did I dop to deserve this? God took MANY things away from me but this is somethin that is makin me very upset with God's action. He took her away from us in the most horrific and tragic way. Imagine her being run over by 2 f###### drivers! At least died of age is understandable but this is unacceptable God. I dont even know wether I can trust you anymore. Anytime you could just take away anything I love. Life's never fair but this has gone tooo far. We have feelings you know...How much heartbrake my family is goin through. This cut is too deep for me to patch it back up.

F### My Life

Until justice is brought to these two drivers, my guilt will never leave me. These drivers don't belong in jail, they belong to hell for murdering a member of my family. Go To Hell assholes! Stay there and die there!!!

I Love You Very Much Lucky and I hope you're happy in heaven. I miss you so much

Tears rolling down my cheeks during the whole time writing this post means that my love is too strong. Goodbye angel...